Everything Happens For A Reason
by peacenotwar93
Summary: This book is based after Frostbite. This is my first fan fiction so tell me what you think. It is basically about Rose and how certain people/events effect her life and how everything can change. I hope you like it! -Raechel
1. Chapter 1: Sleep Deprived

Everything Happens For A Reason

Chapter One: Sleep Deprived

I thought I was finally going to get a good nights sleep, which would be the first in about a month, until I was unexpectedly and reluctantly pulled into Lissa's head. The good thing was that she wasn't in any danger.. Bad thing was, that I was in serious danger of seeing Lissa have sex with her boyfriend, Christian.. For the umpteenth time this month. Now you know why I haven't been sleeping well. The worst thing of all was that, for me, it would be as if I was having sex with Christian. And trust me, that was something I never wanted to do.. Ever.

Come on Rose, not again. Just wake yourself up! Lissa And Christian were starting to remove clothing.. Too much for my liking that's for sure! Rose.. GET OUT OF LISSA'S HEAD! And just like that I woke up in my own bed in my room as if I had just woken up from a nightmare. Well it may as well have been a nightmare.

"Just breathe Rose.. Breathe." I told myself. I knew there was no way that I would be able to get another wink of sleep in the mood that I was in. I didn't want to risk falling back into Lissa's head again.

I was contemplating sneaking out of the dorm to get some fresh air when someone knocked on my door.

"Rose, can I please come in?" The irresistible Russian accent asked. I knew his voice too well.

"Sure.." Was all I could get out. The door opened and in walked Dimitri, looking as divine as ever. Why did he have to be so beautiful? He just stood there staring at me. I hadn't realised before that I was only wearing a slinky singlet top and my pijama shorts.. My very short pijama shorts. The silence was deafening. I couldn't stand him watching me like that. It reminded me of the way he looked at me when he had caught Jesse and I making out, getting pretty hot and heavy, in one of the abandoned dorm lounge rooms after he had brought Lissa and I back to the Academy. I wanted him to say something.. Anything. Just to break the silence. I guess it was up to me.

"Did you want something in particular?" He immediately snapped back into reality.

"Yes, I was here to ask you about Lissa, actually." He stated matter-of-factly. I should've known that was why he came to my dorm room. I guess a part of me hoped there was an ulterior motive. I was way off. His guardian mask was at its full force tonight.

"What about her? She is fine if that's what you're wondering." Of course I knew she was fine.. Only minutes ago was I not only feeling what Lissa was feeling.. I practically was her when she was on the verge of having sex with her boyfriend. Of course I would never tell Dimitri something like that.

"No it's not that. I think she has stopped taking her meds." Okay, where did that come from?

"Wha-? How? Wh-what makes you think that?" I stammered out.

"She just seems to go into these moods lately. It doesn't seem to be as bad as it used to be but it doesn't seem to be improving. In fact I think it's getting worse." Dimitri could see my panic. I could tell he wanted to comfort me but he needed to be on good behaviour. He was here on business, that was it.

"Dimitri I.. I didn't notice. How could I not notice? I am supposed to notice these things about her. And not just because we have a bond, but because I am supposed to be her bestfriend. How could I not have noticed this before?" I was on the borderline of hysterics and Dimitri immediately recognised that. He came over to me and wrapped his arms around me as if protecting me from myself.

"Shh, Roza. It's alright. You couldn't have known. Don't do this to yourself. Please don't do this to yourself. I can't stand to see you hurting like this." I was in tears. As much as I hated crying in front of people, especially Dimitri, I couldn't stop myself. I hated looking weak in front of him.

"I don't know what's wrong with me. I can't even see that something is seriously wrong with my best friend and I have just been too screwed up to notice." I was definitely in hysterics by now. I couldn't stay in Dimitri's arms. It hurt too much. I needed to get out of there. I tried to break free of his arms and half succeeded. I started to run toward the door when he grabbed my arm and pulled me into the sweetest most innocent kiss that anyone could ever imagine. It soon grew into something much more intimate and hungry. His hands, which were previously on the sides of my face, moved. One lacing behind my neck, while the other moved to my hip. I wrapped my arms around his neck, knotting one in his silky hair. I knew this couldn't last because of Dimitri's boundaries. It would end very soon, but I didn't want it to. I pulled him closer to me to make the kiss last longer. I breathed in his luscious scent between kisses. I wanted this moment to last forever.

The kiss hadn't ended, which was surprising enough. But what surprised me the most was that the kiss was starting to get even more hot and heavy. In fact, it had turned into a full-on make out session between me and Dimitri. The hand Dimitri had on my hip had started to slowly move down my leg and he pulled my leg up so that it was wrapped around his waist. He pushed me up against the wall with my leg still wrapped around his waist. His whole body was against mine. I could feel every inch of him and I never wanted that feeling to go away.

"Roza.. We should stop before this gets too out of hand." Dimitri said between gasps. He wanted this as much as I did.

"I think it's a bit late for that, comrade. Besides, I am too good a kisser for you to say no to." I must admit I was doing a pretty good job at my wittiness while doing what I was doing at that moment. Dimitri smiled against my lips. This was how I wanted it to be forever. Just Dimitri and myself.. Together as if we were one person.

* * *

I felt like I could walk on air I was so happy. So Dimitri and I didn't have sex or anything, but we did spend the entire night together. Talking and just spending time together. It was wonderful. Exactly what I needed. Not to mention exactly what I wanted. I had wanted to spend time with Dimitri in so long but never had the chance to because of all his boundaries and rules. I don't know why he finally decided to let his guard down but I am just glad he did.

I was walking through the hallways and didn't even realise when someone started walking next to me. I was too deep in thought to even notice. When I suddenly realised I wasn't walking alone, I turned to whoever it was that was walking beside me. I literally stopped in my tracks, almost tripping over in the process. I was shocked. Completely and totally dumbfounded. This was the last person on Earth I expected to see standing in front of me right now. I didn't know what to do, let alone say. I couldn't speak. How could this person be standing in front of me right now? Just then everything started to get really blurry and then it all just turned black.


	2. Chapter 2: Unexpected Visitor

Chapter Two: Unexpected Visitor

I woke up numb. When I could fully open my eyes I realised I was in the clinic. Well, that was unexpected. I realised soon after that I had fainted. And had hit my head on the floor in the process. Yeah, that definitely sounded like something I would do. It all came rushing back into my mind like a tidal wave. Walking down the hallway day dreaming about Dimitri, realising I wasn't walking alone and then realising who was walking with me. It was Mason.. At least I think it was Mason. Which was a surprise in itself. Last I checked he was dead and buried. But what was even freakier was that it wasn't him at the same time. It looked exactly like him but older, a little taller, more muscular and definitely more handsome.

The school nurse came in and asked how I was doing and if I still felt dizzy.. Normal routine questions that I had answered many times before. After she had given me a lecture on getting the right amount of hours of sleep, she let me go. I was walking briskly towards my room when I ran into someone without watching where I was going. I really needed to get some sleep. I was a wreck. When I looked at who I had ran into I almost fainted.. yet again. It wasn't Mason but god did he look a hell of a lot like him. I was speechless. Unable to speak let alone think. He looked at me with an amused expression on his face, almost as if he was holding back laughter. That snapped me out of my momentary daze immediately.

"Who the hell are you?" I said with much annoyance. I guess I could have been a little nicer, but I was way too tired to care.

"Hello Rose, It is nice to finally meet you. I am Mason's older brother, Jonathan." He said with a smirk. Well that sure explained a lot.

"His older brother? I didn't even know Mason had a brother." That was true. In all the years I had known Mason, he never once mentioned that he had a brother.

"Yes well, I haven't seen Mason in a few years." He looked like he truly regretted that fact. I guess he didn't know Mason was dead until he came here looking for him. Poor guy.

"Oh, well, uhh.. Mason sort of.." He cut me off, thank god. I did not want to be the one to break the bad news to him.

"Yes I am aware of Mason's death. I was told when I first arrived. I guess I should've come a little earlier." He looked very sad, I could tell he was trying to stay in one piece. I know because that is exactly what I had done after Mason's death, kept my 'guardian mask' on until I was alone in my room.

"If you don't mind me asking. How do you know my name?" It probably wasn't the right thing to say at that time but my curiosity got the best of me.

"Mason told me. He had written me letters often about his life at the Academy and the people in his life. He mentioned you a fair bit. I never replied to any of the letters of course. He stopped writing to me a little while ago and I was worried. I guess now I know why. But as I said he had written about you a lot. He was very fond of you, and I see why." Well this conversation had taken a very unexpected turn.

"Uh, thanks. Are you looking for something or just wondering around?" I didn't really know what else to say.

"I was looking for you, actually. As I said, Mason mentioned you a lot in his letters. I thought if there was anyone who knew him better than his best friend, Eddie, it would be you. I was wondering if you could tell me about my little brother?"

So we walked off further away from the buildings and sat down under a nice tree. I told him everything I could think of. Everything I knew about Mason. Everything I thought about Mason. How close we were and how much I missed him and how I blamed myself for Mason's death. I told Jonathan about the day Mason died and how he had saved my life. Jonathan didn't say much, he just listened to what I was saying. He cried a lot and so did I. It was nice, to just talk to someone about all of things I was feeling about Mason's death. I would never tell Dimitri all of this, I hate looking weak in front of him. But with Jonathan, it was different. I didn't feel weak, I just felt like a human being for once in my life. It was really nice. I felt normal.

I had realised that we had been talking for 3 hours and it was getting late, well early for humans but late for us. The odd thing was that we had stopped talking about Mason a little while ago, we had just enjoyed talking so much that we began talking about everything else. I talked more about myself, he told me all about him. It was different to what I was used to because Dimitri never liked talking about himself. Jonathan was an incredibly good listener and the things he told me about himself only made him more intriguing. I was fascinated by him and I got the feeling that he was as equally intrigued by me as I was by him. It was an odd feeling, one I had experienced before.. With Dimitri. It began to make me feel uncomfortable so I told Jonathan that I had to get to bed, curfew was creeping up on us. He agreed and wished me a good nights rest. Before he left, he took my hand in his and kissed it. Like you see in all of the old movies. And with that, he left. I was frozen in place for a few minutes trying to understand if he had actually done what he did.

Walking back to my room, I couldn't help but think about Jonathan. And then I started thinking about Dimitri. What was I doing? I loved Dimitri with all of my heart and yet I knew I had feelings for Jonathan aswell. Why can't my life just uncomplicate itself for once? Why do I always have to go through these things. I thought that since Mason was no longer here, I wouldn't have to worry about a 'Love Triangle'. But now that Jonathan is here, things just became so much more confusing.

When I got to my room I went straight to my bed without even worrying about changing into my pijamas. As soon as my head hit the pillow everything went black. I guess exhaustion had won out over fear of sex with Christian. But to my happiness, I had a dreamless sleep.

* * *

**Note: Hello everyone! =] I hope you liked my first and second chapters. Let me know how I did. If I forget to update I apologise.. This is, after all, my first fan fiction and I am in year 12 so will have alot on my plate, but I will try and update as often as I can! =] thanks for reading!**


	3. Chapter 3: Old Friends

Chapter Three: Old Friends

I woke up feeling like I had just had the best nights sleep I ever had. That was a delightful change. There were no... _interruptions _after all. As I was having a shower, getting ready for the coming day, I started remembering the conversation I had with Jonathan yesterday. Of course it had started as a conversation about Mason, but changed into something a lot more meaningful. I had found out that Jonathan was a Dhampir like myself and that he was Mason's actual blood related brother. Which was rare in our culture. You very rarely heard about a Moroi staying with a Dhampir to have more than one child with them. I had also found out that Jonathan was not a guardian, again something that was not often heard of. He was definitely not a blood-whore either. He was a businessman. Although he had taken a sort of _vacation _from that life when he had come to visit Mason. I was so wrapped up with my memories of Jonathan that I had almost forgotten my training session with Dimitri.

When I got to the gym I saw Dimitri lying on his back reading a novel. No doubt an old western, those were his favourites. He seemed more relaxed than usual, which was a nice change.

"Catching up on some light reading are we? So tell me honestly, how many times have you read that novel?" I said with a small smile playing at my lips. I was in a good mood and I thought maybe I could get a genuine laugh out of Dimitri this morning. I was right. He laughed. Yes, it was an exasperated laugh, but it was still a laugh, and that made my mood even better.

"Roza, you exhaust me sometimes with your witty comments. Must you always be that cruel to me?" He wasn't being serious, I could tell. He had the same small smile playing at his lips aswell. Today was going to be a good day.

"Oh, I'm sorry comrade. Would you rather me exhaust you some other way?" Now I was full-out grinning.

"I think I might like that." He chuckled and walked towards me, practically gliding, and lifted me up into his arms. It wasn't some sort of a sexual advance, that wasn't like Dimitri. It was more like a passionate hug, just because he wanted me in his arms. It was what happened next that surprised me. Without even hesitating, he kissed me. All the while, the gym doors were wide open, god only knows what would happen if people happened to be walking past. I pushed away from him immediately, much to his dislike.

"Did I do something wrong, Roza?" He actually looked a little cautious, like I hadn't wanted him to do that.

"No of course not, but the doors are open and I would rather not get caught making out with my instructor if you don't mind." I walked away and closed the gym doors, while also locking them. I hadn't even realised there was a lock on those doors until now. That would surely come in handy.

"Now, you can do whatever you want to me." I said with my best man-eating smile.

"Don't mind if I do." In that instant he was in front of me again pulling my lips towards his. The moment our lips met, it was like an electric wave had travelled through my body, urging me closer to him. I wrapped my arms around his neck and jumped up into his arms, wrapping my legs around his waist, all the while, not breaking the kiss. I really was quite talented in that aspect. Carrying me, Dimitri took us over to the mats and laid me down on my back, pressing his body onto mine. It felt like heaven.

I had started removing his clothing when the door had been shaken, obviously because someone was trying to open it, not expecting it to be locked. Then there was a knock. I groaned in frustration, why of all the times did someone have to show up now? Dimitri chuckled at my reaction. He quickly fixed himself up as I went toward the door. When I opened the door I was a little surprised to see Jonathan in front of me. As soon as he saw me open the door, his face lit up with a huge smile, it made me feel very pleased with myself, although it shouldn't have.

"Hey stranger." He said not realising just how awkward the situation was.

"Hey yourself. What brings you to this neck of the woods?" I didn't exactly want to slam the door in his face and to be honest, I was quite happy to see him.

"I was actually here to see Dimitri. We are old friends. Is he here?" Now that was definitely unfortunate. I should've known Dimitri knew Jonathan, he knew everybody.

"Ahh, yeah, he is just back there." I was about to have a panic attack. Why did they have to know each other? I sure hoped they weren't too good of friends.

As soon as Dimitri looked up and saw who was walking towards him he froze and immediately tensed. I guess they weren't that close after all.

"Dimitri. Long time no see. I can see you have been keeping yourself busy." Quickly glancing in my direction as he said that. He couldn't possible know about us, could he?

"Jonathan. Always a pleasure I'm sure but if you don't mind, Rose and I have a training session to get back to." Dimitri was being incredibly hostile towards Jonathan and I had no idea why. I almost felt sorry for Jonathan, he didn't deserve such hostility, especially after finding out his brother was dead only a few days ago.

"That's fine with me, I'll stay and watch. I'm sure Rose won't mind. We have met before." And with that, Jonathan sat in my training session with Dimitri. The whole time Dimitri and I were sparring I could feel Jonathan's eyes on me. And so could Dimitri. He became increasingly agitated and at one point I though he was going to lose control and kick Jonathan out of the gym. But he didn't and our training session ended. I was ready to stay with Dimitri when what he said shocked me.

"Rose, I would like to spend some time with Jonathan, alone, if that's alright. We have some things to catch up on. You should go find Lissa. I am sure you have been missing her. You haven't seen much of her these days have you?" He was right. I had tried my best to avoid Lissa. Her and Christians sex life had been very active lately and the last thing I wanted was to feel all of those urges, and I knew I would if I was around her. But Dimitri was right, he knew me too well, I did miss Liss. After all, she was practically my sister.

So with that, I left Jonathan and Dimitri alone, hoping they wouldn't kill each other and went off to find my best friend. It was easy enough as, with the bond, I could tell she was in the Library studying. She had a big exam coming up. I thought I could probably help her out a little.

* * *

**Note: Heyy everyone, so I do realise that I have already posted three chapters in one day.. But what can I say.. I love to write. But I don't know if I am any good. So if anyone has read my chapters.. please review! I need to know what I am doing wrong and if I am doing anything right.. Thankyou! - Raechel. =]**


	4. Chapter 4: Complications

Chapter Four: Complications

After I found Lissa, I decided that she needed a break, so we went and got a bite to eat from the cafeteria.

"Liss, did you know that Mason had an older brother?" I asked while we were walking.

"Not before he came here, but I met him the other day. He was asking for you and I pointed you out to him." Made sense, I was curious as to how Jonathan knew what I looked like.

"Oh, okay. What do you think of him?" I hoped I didn't sound to eager.

"Yeah I think he is really nice and he is very attractive that's for sure. Why? Are you interested in him?" She said teasingly. Why did she have to be able to see Aura's at that moment? Mine definitely gave me away.

"No, of course not. I was just curious, that's all." She gave me a side-long glance. Yeah she was definitely reading my aura.

"Come on Rose, you are so in to him! I can see it in your aura. Maybe you should ask him out?" Lissa was getting very enthusiastic about this idea. Ever since Mason, Lissa wanted me to get 'back into the game', as she called it. But what she didn't know was that I already was, with Dimitri.

"Liss, stop. Even if I was attracted to him, I would never even consider it because he is Mason's brother. I could never do that to Mason." It was true. Even if Dimitri didn't exist, I didn't think I could do that to Mason. I would feel like I was betraying him.

"Okay, fine. I can understand that. But Rose, if not with Jonathan, you really should go on a date with someone. Ever since Mason, you have just been so... lonely." Liss had a very concerned look on her face. The thing was that I really wasn't lonely. At least I didn't feel like I was. Just then I remembered what Dimitri had told me. Lissa had stopped taking her meds. Now I was going to change the subject dramatically.

"Liss, when were you planning on telling me that you had stopped taking your meds? And how on Earth could you hide it from me so well?" For some reason I wasn't able to tell she had stopped taking them through the bond, which was odd because I had always been able to feel things changing in her. Liss looked shocked and a little embarrassed.

"Rose, I was going to tell you. I just wanted to make sure I could control it first. I didn't want it to leak out into you anymore. And I have been using the spirit to stop you from noticing. It's not compulsion exactly, but it is something like it. I am sorry. Hey, don't change the subject, we are talking about you." I was taken a-back for a moment. Lissa was compelling me not to notice? How could she do that to me? She saw the hurt on my face and pulled me into a hug.

* * *

After Lissa and I had gotten something to eat and talked about everything she was going through, I let her get back to studying. I decided to go for a walk and ended up walking to the old watch post Dimitri had taken me to when Tasha Ozera had come to visit. I liked Tasha, mostly. I never got over the fact that she wanted Dimitri, but luckily for me, he refused her because he was too in love with me. Every time I think of that, I become increasingly happy. It looked empty now so I decided to go inside, reminisce a little more on the things Lissa had talked to me about. As I walked in I wasn't expecting to see anyone inside, which is why I almost screamed when someone came up behind me. Luckily before I could get the scream out, Jonathan turned me to face him.

"Are you following me, Rose?" Jonathan seemed a little excited about that idea.

"You scared the hell out of me! No I came here for some peace and quiet, well I guess that idea is shot now." I was a little annoyed to find him there, he always seems to show up at the wrong time. But I couldn't help but notice that he was only wearing a V-neck white T-shirt, that showed off his muscles very well, and a pair of old jeans. It wasn't a very elaborate outfit, but it sure did flatter him.

"Well I am sorry for scaring you, I wasn't expecting anyone to come here. I didn't even realise anyone knew about this place. I found it while I was out walking. It looked pretty abandoned so I thought it would be a good place to think and relax. You are welcome to stay if you like."

"Sure, why not. I don't have anything better to do." I couldn't say no to him. Who was I kidding? I wanted to spend time with him. Alone, in an abandoned house. God Rose what is wrong with you?

"So you and Dimitri... You're close?" Jonathan asked and I could tell there was another meaning to what he was asking. He knew about us. I have no idea how he knew, but he did.

"Uh, I guess you could say that, he is my instructor after all." I was sure Jonathan knew about us but I wasn't about to blurt it out just in case I was mistaken.

"Rose, you know your not a very good liar. It's written all over your face."

"What are you talking about?"

"So, you and Dimitri aren't sleeping together then?" He said with what I thought was true curiosity.

"No, we are _not_ sleeping together. What gave you that idea?" This conversation was not headed in the direction I would've liked.

"Okay, I believe you. So if you and Dimitri aren't together, I am sure you won't mind me doing this." And just like that he kissed me.


	5. Chapter 5: Electricity

Chapter Five: Electricity

_And just like that, he kissed me._

It was a very strong kiss, but very sweet and gentle at the same time. Much to my dismay, I couldn't pull myself away from him. The same electric shock I felt with Dimitri, hit me then, causing me to wrap my arms around Jonathan's neck, clinging myself to him more. He wrapped his arms around my back and pressed his body against mine. And I must admit, it felt incredibly good.

We were walking backwards until I was up against a wall, still kissing. That kiss was amazing. It was like I melted into his every touch. I couldn't think about anything other then his touch. His hands had decided to take control of my body, and I wasn't complaining, it felt like heaven and hell all mixed in one. It was both hot and sweet at the same time. One hand was tracing circles on my back under my shirt while the other was lifting my leg up around his waist. I took initiative and wrapped both legs around him. He smiled against my lips. He was enjoying this just as much as I was.

That was when he took me to the bed. He laid me down on my back, making sure not to break the kiss and pressed up against me. Every inch of my body wanted this. It was then that I realised what I was doing. Then Dimitri came to my mind. How could I be doing this to him? I pushed Jonathan off of me and he looked confused.

"Too fast?" he asked.

"Way too fast. This... Can't happen," I said motioning to the both of us. "It will never happen again." And with that I left. Practically running to my room.

* * *

As soon as I got to my room, I locked my door and began to cry. I couldn't stop myself. I never used to be such an emotional wreck. I couldn't believe I had done that to Dimitri. How could I be so selfish? I didn't deserve him. I was shaking so vigorously I thought I was going to fall over. My crying had turned into hysteric sobs. Like I was gasping for air. I wrapped my arms around my legs and hunched myself into a little ball against the wall.

I hadn't known how long I had been hunched up like that but before I knew it, it was getting light outside, which meant everyone would be going to bed soon. I was about to go have a shower when someone knocked on the door. I was not in the mood to see Jonathan and that was when _he_ spoke.

"Roza? Please... Let me in." He sounded so sad. He knew. That almost made my crying start all over again. But I managed to pull myself together enough to open the door. When I looked in his eyes, I could see pain, hurt and anger.

"Dimitri.. I'm so sorry." I didn't have to say what for, he knew exactly what I was talking about.

"Roza, it's not your fault. I understand why you did it. I had pushed you away so much that you wanted something more." I couldn't believe he was actually blaming himself for this.

"Dimitri, this is my fault. Don't you dare blame yourself for my mistakes. I am the one that made the choice to stay with Jonathan and then not to pull away from the kiss." Dimitri flinched at my words.

"Roza, I love you. I always will, no matter what. But you deserve better then me."

"Would you stop! I do not want to hear you saying anything like that. I want _you_. I have _always _wanted you! What happened with Jonathan, was stupid. A mistake. It won't happen again. How can you not be angry with me right now?"

"Because I don't blame you for what happened. I blame him." Before I could get a word out, Dimitri kissed me. That was definitely _not _what I was expecting. I pulled away from him so I could see his face, to see what he was feeling.

"Dimitri, what are you doing?"

"I am showing you how much you mean to me Roza. Please, let me." With that he brought his lips to mine once again, only this time they were hungry. They wanted more and I was willing to give it to him.

Dimitri picked me up and carried me over to my bed, laying me down and then laying on top of me. He took his shirt off with one swift movement. He was so perfect. He then unbuttoned my shirt, removing that with no effort at all. He started kissing my neck while using his hands to remove my leggings, as I was removing his pants. It became even more heated when his hands found there way to my hips, pulling me against him even more then before. I groaned against his lips. This was how it was supposed to be. No complications, no interruptions. Just me and Dimitri.

I couldn't believe this was happening. Although I had always wanted this.

Dimitri had gotten rid of the rest of his clothing and mine. We were completely naked. This was the first time I had been completely naked in front of Dimitri. It was frightening but exhilarating at the same time. Dimitri looked at me with such adoration in his eyes and then it happened. My whole life I had dreamt about this moment, I never thought it could feel so perfect in so many ways. And I was with the man I loved. What else could I have asked for?

I had never realised how incredible sex could be. I realised then that if it hadn't been with Dimitri, there is no way it would have felt so good. Then without even realising it, I started thinking about what it would have been like if I hadn't ran away from Jonathan. Dimitri was sleeping beside me and I was picturing sex with another guy. Yeah, I really did have problems. I decided to stop thinking about everything and to try and get some sleep. I rested my head on Dimitri's chest and fell into a deep sleep.


	6. Chapter 6: A Bet

Chapter Six: A Bet

**Dimitri's POV**

I was out on patrol, making sure the wards were still at there full force. Everyone has been a little on edge since the strigoi attacks. I was thinking about Rose when Jonathan suddenly stepped in front of me. Well, there went my good mood.

"Jonathan, do you mind? I have a job to do." I did not want to fight with him. Although right then, he was making it pretty tempting.

"Dimitri, please. I am here on business. I don't know if you remember, but when I first arrived at the Academy, we made a little bit of a bet." Jonathan sounded so smug. It took most of my control not to wipe that smirk off of his face.

"Actually, if you remember correctly, I never agreed to that bet. You think I would do that to Rose? She means more to me then you could possibly imagine." I should've stopped talking, I was saying too much. But Jonathan was really starting to push my buttons.

"Oh, don't worry, I know all about your little affair with Miss Rose Hathaway. Mason might have been blinded by love, but he saw a lot more then you think. He told me what he had seen in one of his letters." Oh god. This could not be happening. I thought Rose and I had done a pretty good job at hiding our relationship, if that's what you would call it. Poor Rose, if she finds out that Mason knew, she would feel so much worse about his death then she did before.

"Okay, so you know about us. Why do you care? Like I said before. That bet was never confirmed." He was really trying my patience, and self control.

"Well, I thought it had been confirmed. And if it had been confirmed, I would've won. See I remember saying that if I could get Rose to forget about you for just a little while, she would be mine. Well guess what. It worked. I only just got back from that old watch post and let me tell you, I don't think Rose was thinking about you all that much when we were getting pretty hot and sweaty in that old shack. Now I see why every guy wants her. She is quite delicious, isn't she?" I was frozen. I couldn't move let alone think. I wanted to hit Jonathan with all of my body. But I didn't, it took every ounce of my self control not to, but I had to see Rose. To ask her why? I needed to understand how she could do something this cruel. So I just left. I walked away.

* * *

I practically ran up to her room, not caring if anyone saw me. I needed to hear her explain. Why? Why would she do this to me? I knocked on the door, with barely any force. All the strength had been drained out of me.

"Roza? Please... Let me in." I tried very hard to control the shakiness of my voice, but it didn't work very well.

As soon as she answered the door I could see she had been crying. But it was worse somehow. This wasn't just crying. She looked as if she was half dead. She looked so helpless. I couldn't be mad at her. This wasn't her fault. It was Jonathan's. I needed to show Rose that I would always love her, no matter what she did. It was horribly pathetic, but Rose was my life. I could not live without her. I wanted, no needed her in my life.

* * *

I woke up the next morning with Rose in my arms. Images of last night fluttering through my mind. Her beauty, her strength, everything about her I adored. The feel of her skin under my touch, the silkiness of her hair as it brushed up against my skin and the sound of her voice as she whispered my name in pleasure.

I was thinking about everything while I was stroking her hair. I kept thinking about Jonathan's words, 'See I remember saying that if I could get Rose to forget about you for just a little while, she would be mine.' He wasn't going to rest until he got what he wanted. And right now, Rose was what he wanted. I was so afraid that he _would _get what he wanted. I knew Rose loved me. But how could she love me with all of her heart if she would do what she did with Jonathan?

Rose woke up then. And as I looked into her eyes, all I could see was Jonathan's face. I needed to get out of there. I wanted Rose so much, but the thought of her and Jonathan almost made me sick to my stomach. I thought I would be able to look past it, but I guess I was just kidding myself. What happened between Rose and Jonathan changes everything.

"Rose. I have to go. It would look pretty bad if someone saw me leaving your room later this morning, I should leave before anybody will wake up." I couldn't bring myself to tell her the real reason I wanted to leave. She believed me. And so I left. I told her I would see her at training. No matter what my feelings were towards the situation, I would not stop training Rose to become an amazing guardian, which I knew she would.

As soon as I left Rose's room, I went straight to the gym. I knew our training session didn't start for a few hours but I needed to do something to keep my mind off of things, so I decided to work out. That could always keep me preoccupied.

I hadn't even noticed the time when I heard the gym doors open and Rose walk in. I hadn't realised how sweaty I had become, but from the way Rose looked at me now, I could tell how I must have looked. I had taken my shirt off while working out, not wanting to get it dirty. I suppose I should have been a little smarter, because the way Rose was looking at me now, I was barely able to keep my hands off of her. Even after what she did, the way she looked at me sometimes almost drove me wild.

"Well, were you ever planning on an actual training session? Or were you just planning on seducing me the moment I walked in the door?" She said with a smirk. I was trying very hard not to do the wrong thing. And kissing Rose right then, would definitely be the wrong thing.

"Roza. We need to talk." There was no avoiding it now.


	7. Chapter 7: Regrets

**Heyy all! Sorry I didn't update sooner. Have been really busy with School. I can't wait till it's over! I hope you guys liked my Dimitri POV chapter. I wasn't sure if it was going to work all that well but I got good reviews so thankyou everyone who has read my chapters and has also reviewed! =] I think this chapter has more words then the rest.. probably because there isn't that much dialogue. =] The funny thing is I write my fan fictions when I should be doing homework! =] awell. School work can wait. Hope you like it! -Raechel =]**

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Chapter Seven: Regrets

I walked into the gym, ready to train when I stopped short, seeing that Dimitri was already working out. And on top of that. He was topless. Which was a bit of a shock because I had never seen him take his shirt off in public. I suppose it wasn't that out of the ordinary considering the physical exercise he was currently participating in, but still, it sure took my breathe away.

"Well, were you ever planning on an actual training session? Or were you just planning on seducing me the moment I walked in the door?" Images of last night began creeping into my mind. Dimitri looked like he was trying to make a decision, whether to actually touch me or something else. I wasn't entirely sure what that something else was and it made me a little worried.

"Roza. We need to talk." Oh God. I knew this would happen. Of course, I hoped it wouldn't. I thought maybe he had actually forgiven me. I guess that was just wishful thinking. Dimitri continued. "I know that last night I said I wasn't mad at you and that I only blame Jonathan, but the truth is I was lying to you.. And to myself. I thought I would be able to move on and let it go. You know forgive and forget. But it's like everytime I look at you, I see him. I feel horrible for saying these things to you, Roza, but I need to. If we are ever going to get through this, I need to be completely honest with you." Tears were fighting to break free, and I wouldn't let them. I was not going to make this any harder for Dimitri. After all, I deserved this.

"I need to understand why you did it. Why you did those things with Jonathan. Maybe if I know the reason, it will be easier for me to forgive you. Please, Roza. I need this." Dimitri was practically begging me. All I saw in his eyes was hurt. He was in so much pain. Because of me. Why did I have to be so selfish? Why did I always have to want everything.

"Dimitri. I wish I could give you an answer, but the truth is, I honestly don't know why I did those things. It wasn't planned. I had never even considered the idea before it was actually happening. I knew that I had feelings for Jonathan and at first I thought I just wanted him in my life. As a friend I guess. I thought maybe he was filling the whole that Mason left. I was kidding myself into thinking it would work. I was so confused about us, I didn't know what you wanted. I wanted to have everything, which is incredibly selfish, I know that. But I can't change the person I am. I am greedy and I thought I could have it all. It was wrong and I will never forgive myself for what I did to you. I understand if you can't forgive me, but please know, that I will always love you more than anything." I was in tears now. I hadn't even realised until then. I tried so hard to fight against them but I guess my emotions got the better of me. Dimitri was crying to. I had only ever seen Dimitri cry once, and that was after Mason died when he had seen how much it affected me. Dimitri had stayed by me, protecting me, healing me in a way. I wanted to hold Dimitri now and to just heal him the way he had healed me, but I knew this was not the kind of wound that could be healed.

"Roza. Thankyou. Thankyou for telling me that. I know it was difficult for you. I need to think about things. Please, just give me some time. I will make sure there is another guardian to continue your training sessions, but for a little while, I just need to be away from you." It hurt to hear him say those words, but I knew he was right. We both needed to be away from each other. To rethink what had happened and if it had really come between us. That was when Dimitri left.

I stayed in the gym for a long time after that, just sitting in the middle of the mats scrunched up into a little ball, crying. It was like I couldn't stop myself. It was then that Lissa sent me a message through the bond. I didn't feel like talking to Lissa but what she said surprised me.

"Rose? Are you okay? What happened? I can feel your pain somehow. I don't know how this is happening but I can feel your emotions and your starting to freak me out a little. All I can feel is darkness and sadness. Please come find me." I could hear the concern and worry in her thoughts. I decided I really did need to see my best friend at that moment.

* * *

I found Lissa easily, trying to avoid the curious eyes of those walking past me, I guess my face didn't look very pretty at the moment. Lissa was in her room pacing back and forth, waiting for me anxiously. As soon as I walked into her room and she saw my face she pulled me into a hug. The tears started up again.

"Rose, what happened?" I could feel Lissa's curiosity but she was mostly worried about me.

"Liss, I have to tell you something. You might be a little shocked and hurt that I hadn't told you sooner, but I want you to know." So I told her about me and Dimitri, about how much we loved each other and how close we were to having sex because of Victor's love charm. I also told her about how he had helped me so much after Mason's death. Lissa was shocked at first, but then she began to remember little details she hadn't picked up on in the past, like the looks Dimitri and I would exchange every now and then, speaking so many words with just one look and how she would often catch us whispering things to each other. Back then Lissa didn't think anything of it. She just thought we had become good friends since training together. She had no idea it had gone much deeper then that.

Once I told Lissa about my past with Dimitri, I began to tell her about recent events. How he had stopped pushing me away and then what happened between Jonathan and I. After I told Liss about why I was crying so horribly, she started crying for me. I guess the saying about best friends was true for us: If you cry, I cry and if you hurt, I hurt. That was so on target with Lissa's and my relationship. I was thankful to finally get everything off of my chest. I hadn't been able to talk to anyone about the things that were going on with me and it was beginning to hurt too much to describe. I would get headaches, stomach pains and nausea everytime I thought about it. I guess I just felt so guilty that my body was punishing me.

I spent the night in Lissa's room, I really needed it to. I hadn't been sleeping well and on top of that, the love of my life had decided to distance himself from me. I needed a friend. And Lissa was the best friend I could ask for. She brushed my hair, brought me some pyjamas and fed me. It was like I was in a catatonic state. I was unable to do anything for myself I was in so much emotional pain. Liss and I went to bed early. It was the best night's sleep I had gotten in a very long time.


	8. Chapter 8: Wasted Apology

**Note: Heyy everybody! Sorry if it took me a little while to update. I hope you like this chapter. I might be a little too busy to update in the coming weeks because I have soo much going on. I have trials in a week and I have so much preparation to do for that so wish me luck! remember to review! =] thanks! -Raechel**

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Chapter Eight: Wasted Apology

When I woke up, I realised I wasn't in my room. I suddenly remembered that I had been with Liss when we fell asleep. Lissa was still sleeping. She looked so peaceful. So unharmed by the darkness that spirit caused her. I wished it could always be like that, but I knew that it couldn't. Lissa woke up then, she looked at me and smiled.

"So, you're feeling better then?" She was smirking, but I could tell through the bond that she really was concerned.

"Yes, Liss. I am feeling much better. Thanks for last night. I really needed it. And I am sorry I didn't tell you about Dimitri earlier." No matter how much she tried to hide it, I could feel that Lissa was a little hurt that I hadn't told her before now.

"Well, I am glad I could help and I understand why you didn't tell me. You couldn't." Liss was always so understanding, I was so glad to have someone like her in my life. I started thinking about Dimitri and how much I would miss him while he was gone. I didn't even know where he was planning on going. Probably to court.

"Liss. How am I going to do this? Dimitri is leaving for god only knows how long and on top of that, Jonathan is still here at the Academy. I don't know how I will be able to face him after what happened." I was very close to falling right back into my hysterical tears. I could feel it.

"Rose, calm down. It's going to be okay. Dimitri loves you. I never saw it before because I was too naïve but now that I have thought about it, I realise that he really does love you. Every time he looks at you it is filled with nothing but compassion and love. He just needs some time to wrap his head around everything. He is probably trying to get away from Jonathan more than anything. Just have a little faith will you. He will be back." Lissa sounded so confident and through the bond I could tell she really did believe what she was saying. It was comforting.

"Thanks Liss. You're the best. But I think I should probably get going. I have to go have a shower and get out of these clothes. Thanks again. It really did help." So I left Liss to spend the day with Christian and I put my walls up. I knew they weren't planning on just talking for the whole day and I didn't think I could handle seeing to people who were in love so happy. It wasn't anything personal against Christian and Liss, but I was just so upset about Dimitri, I just couldn't handle it.

* * *

After I got out of the shower I realised there was a note on my pillow. It must have been put there while I was with Lissa because my door had been locked while I was in the shower. I grimaced immediately when I realised who it was from.

_Dearest Rose,_

_It would seem that you are avoiding me, which is understandable after the last time we were together, but I would like to apologise. And not just in writing. You see, I know that what I did was wrong. I should never have rushed you into anything. I would like to take you out to breakfast. Of course, we would still have to stay at the Academy, inside the wards, but I would like to see you. There are a lot of things I need to explain to you. I think there are a few things you need to know before you make a final judgement about me. Yes, as you might have gathered, I do know about you and Dimitri and I did know about you two while we were together the other night. I know that makes it sound a lot worse than it had before but before you write me off as the bad guy, you should hear what I have to say about Dimitri. This is no trick. I only want to tell you the truth. If you still choose him after you have heard what I have to say, fair enough, I will leave you alone. But you do need to hear me out._

_Kind Regards, Jonathan_

* * *

So there I was, waiting for Jonathan at one of the cafeterias we had at the Academy. I didn't care what he had to say about Dimitri, I just wanted to tell him to leave me alone. I needed Jonathan to know that I only love Dimitri, and always will. Nothing will ever change that. That was when Jonathan walked in.

"Rose, you came. I can honestly say that I am genuinely surprised. I didn't think you would come after what happened." He seemed so innocent and kind. But I wasn't buying it. I knew he had an ulterior motive, I just didn't know what it was.

"Well, I don't care what you have to tell me. So don't bother. The only reason I am here is to tell you that I want nothing to do with you. I am truly sorry for Mason's death but that does not mean I have to put up with you. Ever since you got here things have gone to shit basically, and that's putting it lightly. I love Dimitri more then you could ever know. You will not come between us." I knew I was treading on dangerous territory because Jonathan could at any time go to Headmistress Kirova and tell her about Dimitri and myself. But I needed to get my message across. Jonathan chuckled.

"Rose, I don't think you realise this, but I have already come between you and Dimitri. From what I have heard, he has left the Academy on a 'temporary leave' as they called it. Now I don't know about you but I would say that was because of what we did together. Too bad we didn't get to finish what we started." It was like a switch had been flicked and Jonathan had suddenly gone from the sweet, charming brother of Mason to a manipulative, sneaky guy I wanted nothing to do with. He began looking me up and down like a piece of meat. I was so close to slapping that smirk off his face it wasn't funny, but I knew there was no point to it. That was what he wanted. He wanted a reaction from me. But I wasn't going to give it to him. I started walking away when he called out to me.

"Oh and Rose, when your curiosity gets the best of you, I'll be waiting. I know how much you want to know what I know about Dimitri!" He continued laughing. What a waste of an apology I thought as I walked away.

* * *

I locked myself in my room, refusing to reach out to Liss because I already knew she was with Christian. I definitely didn't want to see them having sex again. And on top of that, Dimitri was gone and he would have been the second person on my list to talk to about how I was feeling. I literally didn't have anyone else to turn to. As for right that moment, I was alone. And I really did feel alone for the first time in a long time. Liss was right.


	9. Chapter 9: Forgiven

**Note: Heyy all, I hope I didn't take too long updating. Let me know what you think! I will try and continue updating.. but I can't make any promises. =] -Raechel**

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Chapter Nine: Forgiven

It has been a week since Dimitri told me he needed some time away from me and it has not been a good week. I now have my training sessions with Alberta, and although she is a good mentor, I would have been happy to have my old one back. Classes had started up again which was good for me, they were a good distraction. What was even worse was that Jonathan still hadn't left the Academy. I didn't know why he was sticking around when he knew no one here besides Eddie, Lissa and myself and after what happened between him, Dimitri and I, Lissa had refused to talk to him. I didn't think Eddie talked to him much either, probably because it made him feel so much worse about Mason. All Jonathan caused was pain.

"Rose? Hello, Rose are you paying attention to me?" I had completely spaced out of my conversation with Liss. I could feel her frustration.

"Sorry, Liss. What were you saying?" I tried hard to be upbeat and happy around Liss. The last thing I wanted was to bring her mood down. But sometimes she could read my aura and tell that I wasn't doing so well.

"I know you miss him Rose, but he will be back. It has only been a week. Just give him some time." _Just give him some time. _That was what Liss had said many times throughout the week and no matter how many times she said it, I never listened.

"I know Liss. But What am I supposed to say? That I don't miss him? Because I do, _so _much. I just want him back, that's all." I couldn't stand being apart from him.

"I know. I can still feel what you feel some of the time." We weren't exactly sure how that was possible but we think that when I was in enough emotional pain, the bond somehow evolved, allowing Liss to feel what I am feeling, so she would be able to come help me. It wasn't exactly anything we could explain through science, so it was as good a guess as any.

"Yeah well, sorry about that. The last thing I want is for you to have to go through this with me."

"Oh shut up Rose, I am happy that I am going through this with you. You're not alone anymore." Lissa was right in a way. I never had to feel alone with my emotions but that didn't stop me from feeling alone without Dimitri.

"Thanks Liss. You really are one of a kind. I am going to go get some rest, I'm a bit tired." I wasn't really that tired but I just wanted to be alone, Liss knew that through the bond of course. So I walked away in the direction of my room.

* * *

When I got to my room I noticed that a note had been slid under my door. I would recognise that handwriting anywhere. It was from Dimitri. I was too scared to open it and read it. What if he decided to stay at court? What if he had met someone else while over there? What if when he thought about it, he realised he didn't want to be with me? All these questions kept swimming around in my head. I pushed them to the back of my mind, right now I had to read the letter. I put my walls up. Not wanting an audience for this.

_Dearest Roza,_

_I am back at the Academy and I would like to see you. It is quite urgent so whenever you get the chance, please come to the old watch post with the pond. I will be waiting for you. There are some things we need to talk about and there is also something I should tell you. Please come._

_Sincerely,_

_Dimitri Belikov_

As soon as I finished reading the letter, I grabbed a jumper and practically ran to the old watch post. When I got there I could see Dimitri sitting by the pond. My heart ached just seeing him. I was glad he was back. No matter what the outcome of this conversation, as long as I could see him I would be happy. As soon as Dimitri saw me he smiled a warm smile. I was glad he was happy to see me too.

"Roza, I have missed you." It felt so good to hear those words come from his mouth. Then again, it just felt amazing to hear his voice.

"Dimitri, it's good to see you. I have missed you too." I wanted him to wrap his arms around me. To just tell me that we would be okay.

"I want to tell you that I have been thinking a lot about things and I realised that I really do forgive you for what happened. Believe it or not I actually forgive Jonathan aswell. But I need to tell you something. It is actually how Jonathan and I know each other." That came as a bit of a surprise, because I honestly didn't care how he knew Jonathan, I was just glad to have him back.

"You don't have to tell me anything. I don't care about Jonathan. I don't want to talk about him. Please can't we just move on and forget about the past? Because that's all it is. It is in the past, never to be brought up again. I missed you so much Dimitri." And that was when I leant in and kissed him. He seemed a little surprised but didn't pull away from me. In fact, he deepened the kiss. He was still sitting down and I was standing up. Dimitri pulled me closer towards him so I was basically straddling him. I locked my arms around his neck, not wanting to ever let go. He slid his hands up my back under my shirt and jumper and the feel of his touch sent electricity throughout my whole body. I was glad he still had that affect on me.

"Dimitri, we could get caught." I said between kisses. He smiled against my lips.

"Then maybe we should go inside." He whispered. That was when he picked me up and carried me inside the watch post, never breaking the kiss. As soon as we were inside and he had shut the door behind him, he took his shirt off. I was surprised at how quickly he was moving, but in a good way. Dimitri carried me all the way to the bed before lying me down and then lying on top of me. With one hand on my hip, the other made its way behind my neck, knotting in my hair. I wanted to keep going and so did Dimitri it seemed but I had to make sure.

"Dimitri, are you sure you want to do this?" I managed to get out between gasps and kisses. Dimitri chuckled.

"Roza, I have wanted to do this ever since I left a week ago. I couldn't stand being away from you." Dimitri stated against my neck. And that was all the convincing I needed. After that I let Dimitri take control of my body. Lucky I had my walls up ever since I received the letter, otherwise Lissa would have had to witness all of this.


	10. Chapter 10: Training

**Note: Heyy everyone! Thankyou for all the reviews. And thanks to all the people that just read my story. I hope you like this chapter. Also I would like to recommend a book that I finished reading today and LOVED.. it has nothing to do with Vampires but is absolutely fantastic. It is called : The Messenger by Markus Zusak. It is an amazing book! =] Read and Review! - Raechel.**

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Chapter Ten: Training

It was like my bad mood had completely dissipated the moment Dimitri told me he still loved me last night and that he forgave me. It was the best thing I had heard in a long time. I was so happy with everything. According to my sources Jonathan was leaving the Academy today, Lissa was finally able to hear my thoughts and feel my emotions like she had always dreamed and Dimitri, my Dimitri, was always going to be mine. I couldn't be happier. Nothing was going to ruin my mood today.

* * *

I walked into the gym for my training session with Dimitri and there he was lying face up on the mats wearing his usual work out clothes while reading a novel. He looked amazing as always. I took a picture with my mind and tucked it away as a keepsake. I would never forget the way he looked while he read his novels – totally at peace with the world. He didn't have to look at me to know that I had entered the gym. We had become very good at knowing when the other one of us was in close proximity to the other, just by the type of presence each of us had or the way we smelt to each other. I know that sounds weird, but Dimitri always smelt like strength, authority, a hint of gentleness and which all of those were overpowered by the smell of leather. I rarely saw him not wearing his leather duster. He smiled as he realised I was standing there just watching him. He very rarely used to smile but now it seems that everytime I am with him he is smiling for one reason or the other. I enjoyed this Dimitri. The unguarded, passionate Dimitri that would embrace his love for me rather then push it away.

"Roza. You should know that it is rude to stare." He was only joking but either way I felt a little embarrassed. He did that to me a lot.

"Well, what am I supposed to do. Ignore the fact that you are sprawled out on the mats reading? Taking up my valuable work-out space?" He chuckled, exasperated.

"Okay, okay. You win. I don't want to fight with you, Roza."

"I thought the whole point to my training lessons was to fight me? Just admit it. You can't wait to punch and kick me." I said with a smirk. As weird as it sounds, I really was looking forward to fighting Dimitri. This was going to be our first training session since he got back from court. I was going to enjoy this no matter how much physical pain I would be in.

"Okay. Let's get started." he said as he sat up. "First I want you to do Fifteen laps around the track outside as a warm up. I will be in here, reading my novel if you need me. Remember to time yourself." Dimitri tried not to laugh at my expression. He was making me run laps in the freezing cold while he stayed in this warm gym to read? Yeah, I guess you could say I was a little frustrated. So off I went, into the freezing cold, running laps.

I seem to zone out when I do laps. Not thinking of anything but me and the track flying under me. I don't think of normal things like boys, high school or life. I just think of the feel of the track against my running shoes and how out here, I am free. For the most part. I am not running away from anything. Not running towards anything or anyone to save them. Just running. Not for anyone else, but me. I hadn't even realised I had done well over Fifteen laps when Dimitri called out to me.

"Rose! Are you trying to exhaust yourself? You have done 24 laps already. Give yourself a break will you?" I was shocked out of my trance and jogged into the gym. The funny thing was, was that I didn't feel exhausted at all. My endurance had become a lot better and I barely ever felt tired during exercise.

"Sorry. I guess I forgot to count. I didn't realise I had gone over Fifteen. Wait. How did you know? I thought you were in here reading your novel." I looked at him accusingly.

"Okay. So I was watching you the whole time. I was also timing you because I knew you would forget to. I must say Rose, you have improved a lot." That was all I would get from Dimitri as a praise. Dimitri wasn't one for that stuff. He didn't think it was really appropriate because he thought that by praising someone, they would slacken off thinking, 'Oh yeah, I don't need to get any better'.

"Well, thanks I guess. I hadn't noticed, to be honest. I guess I haven't really had anything better to do lately." Which was the truth. While Dimitri was gone, I began working out more often to keep myself occupied. Anything to stop myself from thinking to much.

"So you ready for more training?"

"Do you really have to ask?"

"Okay. Lets spar. But this time I want you to focus more on the defensive angle okay? I will be on the offence. Just work on blocking me." So Dimitri began circling me like a lion and every now and then he would make an attack. Sometimes he would stop and critique my defences. Telling me what I could do better, how they would be more effective. It was actually really helpful. Sometimes he would just say little things like, "good" and "block from your right next time".

After our sparring session, Dimitri made me do sit-ups and push-ups. I was used to it so I didn't complain. I enjoyed doing that actually. After a long training session Dimitri told me to go to my room, get cleaned up and then to meet him back at the gym. I had no idea what he was planning but I didn't want to ask. If he wanted something to be a surprise, I would let it. Before I left, Dimitri grabbed my arm and spun me around, taking a quick glance around to make sure no one was watching and then he kissed me. It wasn't a full on passionate kiss, but it was enough to make me react, wrapping my arms around his neck to deepen the kiss immediately. The kiss ended shortly after, to my disappointment. But it still lifted my mood even more.

* * *

I was waiting at the gym for Dimitri when all of a sudden there was someone behind me, they put their hand on my shoulder and my defensive skills immediately kick in. I flip around and kick out but before my foot could make any impact, Dimitri jumps out of the way. He is quick and he knows the way I move. I am actually glad I didn't hit him. That definitely would have put a damper on my mood.

"Oh, god. Dimitri, I am so sorry!" He just laughed at me. And it wasn't just a chuckle either. It was an outright laugh and boy was it loud. But he still sounded like an angel.

"Wow, Roza. Who knew you were so jumpy." I just glared at him after that. But I couldn't stay mad at him.

"So, why exactly am I here?" Dimitri stopped laughing and his face became serious, full of sincerity and love.

"We are going on a picnic." Well, that would have been the last thing I would have thought of. A picnic? Who knew underneath all of Dimitri's control and Western novels that he was a romantic.

"Really?" I couldn't believe my ears. Dimitri and I were going on a picnic. A date. A real date. This was going to be amazing, I could feel it.


	11. Chapter 11: A Date To Remember

**Note: Heyy everybody. So I hope you like this chapter.. =] Sorry for the cliff hanger at the end. But I had to do it. I will try and update as soon as possible.. But I have trials next week so I can't make any promises. All though I will probably end up writing this story when I should be studying. =] Please review and tell me what you think. Thankyou to my readers and reviewers who continue giving me feedback. I really appreciate it. =] Oh and sorry if I got Rose's favourite foods wrong. I couldn't remember off by heart and I didn't want to go through the books to find out. =] - Raechel.**

* * *

Chapter Eleven: A Date To Remember

"Yes, Roza. We are going to have a picnic. I thought we deserved a treat after everything we have been through." Dimitri smiled with pride and excitement. I had to admit, I was just as excited as him. I had never been on a picnic before then. I didn't know what to expect. And I certainly didn't expect what happened next.

"Okay, Roza. Don't worry but I am going to blindfold you. I want this to be a surprise." Dimitri sounded so romantic, but I did not like the idea of being blindfolded.

"Dimitri, no offence, but I'm not exactly a big fan of being blind. I like to see what's coming." I didn't want to hurt Dimitri's feelings but I really did hate the idea of not being able to see where I am going. Having to put my life in the hands of someone else. Even if that someone else was Dimitri, I preferred to be in control of myself.

"I understand that, I do. But I would really appreciate it if you just trusted me with this." He looked at me with his beautiful brown eyes and I got lost for a moment. I eventually gave in, with much reluctance I'll admit. So there we were, walking through the Academy grounds, me blindfolded and probably looking like a total idiot, with Dimitri's hand entwined in mine, leading the way. I couldn't help but feel the electricity I always felt when Dimitri touched me but at the moment I was focusing on not tripping over and looking even more stupid then I already did.

* * *

When we finally stopped walking, after what seemed like a long time, Dimitri took the blindfold off of me and I saw what he wanted to be a surprise. We were standing in view of a gazebo. But it was beautiful. There were vines creeping up the sides, making it look even more old fashioned then it was. I was in awe, just looking at it made me smile. It was made from wood that had been painted white. The paint was fading but it still looked amazing. I couldn't believe my eyes. I hadn't even known this place was inside the Academy's wards.

"Dimitri, it's.. Wow. It's incredible." Those were the only words I could muster together.

"I thought you might like it. I found this place a little while ago. It was on one of my days off, after our training session. I decided to take a walk and this is what I found." I was practically speechless.

"I must say comrade, you've outdone yourself." I didn't know how else to express it. This would have had to be the best first dates in history, and it hadn't even gotten started yet.

Next to the gazebo, there was a red and white checkered picnic blanket on the grass that I hadn't even noticed until Dimitri led me over to it. On the blanket was a picnic basket. Dimitri had come prepared. The food was delicious, of course it was, he had brought my favourites. Cheese pizza and glazed doughnuts. He knew me so well. After we ate, we just laid there on the picnic blanket, with my head resting on his stomach, our fingers locked together. I couldn't imagine anything more perfect. We must have been laying there for about an hour when Dimitri spoke.

"Roza. I need you to answer something for me truthfully." Dimitri sounded sincere, but there was a shakiness in his voice.

"Of course. What is it you want to ask?" I was curious, but a little nervous.

"Well," he started, "If I never let you in. If I had continued pushing you away, not accepting my feelings for you.. Would you have stayed with Jonathan? Would you have chosen him over me? Or if not him, someone else?" Dimitri was so sad, so worried about the answer I would give him.

"Dimitri," I said sternly, I was now sitting up looking him in the eyes, "you are the one I love. I have loved you since the first day we met, I just didn't want to admit it because you were bringing Lissa and I back here. I guess I honestly don't know if I would have let you go and moved on. But you pushed me away for _so_ long and I still hadn't let you go. I couldn't. I kept thinking that if I had, you would finally let me in and it would be too late. I was so scared that that would happen. I didn't want to let you go, because that would be admitting that I was wrong about your feelings for me." I hadn't meant to say so much. But I just couldn't stop the words from coming out. Dimitri looked at me and smiled. I saw the recognition in his eyes. That was the moment Dimitri truly forgave me. The moment he realised that I wasn't going anywhere.

"Thankyou, Roza. For just being here, with me now."

* * *

Dimitri and I were walking back towards the Academy, hand in hand. Dimitri was rubbing circles on the back of my hand with his thumb. It felt so soothing. I was a little startled when he came to an abrupt stop.

"Dimitri, is everything okay?"

"Yes, of course. I didn't mean to worry you. But soon we will be too close to the school to be able to hold hands and I just want to savour the moment." Dimitri. The romantic. It just kept on shocking me.

"Well, we don't just have to savour the moment of holding hands." I walked closer into Dimitri, making sure he understood my actions. He did and that was when he leant down and kissed me. It was the sweetest kiss, tasting like glazed doughnuts. It began to deepen and pick up as Dimitri pushed me up against a tree. Dimitri and I hadn't made any physical contact, other then holding hands, throughout our whole date. It was like all of the sexual tension was being released through this one kiss. And boy, was it a kiss. Dimitri could do wonders with his tongue. He had let go of my hand and placed his on my hip, pulling me against him even more. His other hand made its way to behind my neck, knotting in my hair. Dimitri's lips were at my neck as his body pressed up against mine. He had complete control over me and this time, I didn't mind trusting him with every inch of my body. He whispered in my ear.

"Roza. I love you always and forever." It sounded so cliché, but I didn't care. It was the first time Dimitri had come right out and said that he loved me. I felt like I was walking on air. I had never felt this good being in anyone's arms before this moment. Dimitri knew exactly how to touch me, exactly how to speak to me and exactly how to read me. There was no one else, but him.

_ROSE HELP! _All of a sudden I was ambushed by Lissa's emotions, she had somehow broken through my walls. I was momentarily pulled into her mind. What I saw was awful. There were people around me, around her. They were all dead. There had to be at least Four or Five. I had to try incredibly hard not to scream right then. Dimitri noticed that I had frozen up.

"Roza? Are you okay? Did I do something wrong?" His questions snapped me back into reality.

"It's Liss. Somethings wrong. I have to help her!" My words were mumbled due to my panic but Dimitri understood me perfectly. He saw the look in my eyes and immediately started running towards Lissa after me. He had no idea where she was. I, however, did.


	12. Chapter 12: Nightmare

**Note: Heyy All. Please don't hate me for this chapter. =] Please keep reviewing! You are all so sweet and I love hearing from you guys! I didn't end this chapter with a cliffhanger because I knew i may not be able to update for a little while. Alot of people wanted to know what happened so I didn't want to disappoint you. =] thanks for reading! =] - Raechel**

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Chapter Twelve: Nightmare

_There were people around her. They were all dead. There had to be at least Four or Five._

…

* * *

When I found Lissa, which didn't take long at all seeming as I was running as fast as my legs could take me, she was outside the church. There were Five Moroi lying on the ground around her. They were dead. They didn't have any physical injuries that I could see, but their eyes were all open. It was awful. They all looked so scared. I couldn't believe what I was seeing. Lissa was in the middle of them all, it was as if they had formed a circle around her. She was on her knees with her face in her hands. I didn't have to feel her through the bond to know that she was crying. I walked over to her, sat down and wrapped my arms around her. I didn't know what else to do. She collapsed into my arms, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Liss, shh. It's okay. You're okay. I'm here now. I won't let anything happen to you." I was so glad Liss was okay. I should have been there to protect her. I let my feelings for Dimitri get in the way of my protecting Lissa. I should have never let that happen.

"Rose. You don't understand. I was the one that killed them all." Liss whispered through her tears. I must have heard her wrong. Or maybe I was just imagining things. Maybe Liss was imagining things. I knew she would never hurt anyone without good reason. Through the bond I looked deep into her subconscious, trying to see what she had been doing before she contacted me for help. I saw Lissa walking out of the church, and then nothing. It all went black after that. The next thing I know, I wake up exactly where Liss is sitting now. She doesn't remember what happened.

"Liss, do you even remember what happened?" I didn't want to upset her but I needed to know the truth.

"No, I don't. But When I woke up, I saw them. They were all dead. It had to be me. There was no one else around. Rose, I have a really bad feeling. I think I did it. I think the spirit made me do it." Liss was rambling. She was almost in hysterics. She didn't want to believe it as much as I didn't, but there was a part of her that knew she had.

Several guardians had shown up by then. Dimitri had gone to get help, so lucky for me, Liss and I were alone when she told me she had killed all of the Moroi. Before the guardians came up to Lissa to ask her questions, I whispered in her ear.

"Liss, don't tell them anything. Just say you don't remember what happened because that is the truth. I will get to the bottom of this okay? Please just trust me." I was afraid of what they would do to Lissa if she confessed to murdering these Five Moroi. I wasn't willing to take that risk. Lissa had been taken to the clinic to be looked at. Physically they said she was 100% but they couldn't feel Lissa's emotions. She was so unstable at that moment. I wanted to stay with her and comfort her but I was told to let her rest.

I hadn't even realised Dimitri had been around since after I left the clinic. He was waiting outside the room Lissa was in. He looked so sad. I could tell he felt just as guilty as I had about what happened to those Moroi, and to Lissa. If we had only been thinking about Lissa and not each other, we might have been able to save them all. When Dimitri saw me coming, he allowed himself a small smile.

"Roza, how is the Princess?" He was so concerned.

"Lissa is... Well, she is an emotional wreck. She needs time to cope. But I don't think that will do much help. Dimitri, I'm worried about her. Really worried about her. Can we talk alone?" I knew I could trust Dimitri with this.

* * *

When Dimitri and I were alone, I told him about the things Lissa had said to me when I found her and the other Moroi. I told him about how when I had looked into her mind, there was just blackness around the time the Moroi were killed. He listened intently to what I had to say. He could see how worried I was and how scared I was that Lissa had really killed them all. Yet again, I was on the borderline of hysterics when Dimitri wrapped his arms around me. I immediately pushed him away. He didn't understand at all what I was feeling.

"Roza? What's wrong?" I was so close to breaking point, but I needed him to hear this.

"Dimitri, don't you understand? The reason Lissa was even in that situation is because I completely neglected her feelings. I was blocking her out so I could spend time with _you! _Lissa was in serious danger, maybe from herself or from something else, but I was so caught up with my feelings for you that I couldn't protect my best friend! How can I do something like that? I don't get the privilege of being able to live my own life, date who I want to date, do what I want to do because I have sworn to protect _them! _I should **not** have been so selfish. This thing between us... It's finished. I need to focus on Lissa now." It was breaking my heart to say those words to him. He was so hurt. His face crumpled up into nothing but a mask of pain. I had broken his heart, after all. But he knew why I had done it. I wanted so much to just turn around and yell 'GOTCHA!' But I kept walking away, without looking back, from the man I loved. Every step I took away from him, the more my heart broke.

_You're doing the right thing Rose. _I kept telling myself. Over and over again. I was crying. Tears streaming down my cheeks. I couldn't stop them and to be honest, I didn't want to. I needed to go through this. I made sure to put my walls up so Liss couldn't feel what I was feeling, but I still made sure I could feel her at all times. This was how my life was to be. Protecting Lissa. Following her wherever she went, no matter what. After all... They come first.

As I walked away from Dimitri and towards Lissa, I knew I was walking towards how the rest of my life would be. Turning my back on my feelings and the things I want, to make sure Lissa always got what she wanted. It was my worst nightmare. Only this time, it was real.


	13. Chapter 13: Escape Plan

**Note: Heyy everybody! I am sooooooo sorry for not updating sooner! I had my trials and was heaps busy! But I have made this chapter longer then the rest for you all. =] I hope you like it. I don't know if I like this one as much as others, but let me know! I love getting all of your reviews and thankyou for reading! =]**

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Chapter Thirteen: Escape Plan

I was about to walk into the clinic to see Liss. But before I could do that I needed to pull myself together, I couldn't let Liss see me like this. I was still in tears, sobbing uncontrollably. It was the middle of the day, so everyone was in bed, which was definitely a good thing considering the state I was in. I was standing outside the clinic wiping away the tears that kept coming, trying to make myself look presentable for Liss. I couldn't let her see what I was feeling. I was so caught up in my own mind that I hadn't realised when someone had walked up to me.

"Rose? Is everything alright?" It was Eddie. He was so genuine, so concerned. It broke my heart, knowing that I was about to lie to him.

"Yeah... everything is fine. I am just worried about Lissa, that's all." It wasn't a lie exactly, I really was worried about Liss, I was just lying about why I was crying.

"No, there's something else. I can tell. I may not be able to feel your emotions, but I can tell when your lying to me Rose, or at least not telling me the whole truth." Eddie knew me so well. Ever since Spokane, we had become so much closer. I wanted to confess everything to him right then and there. But I knew I couldn't. I needed to keep this a secret, even from Liss.

"Eddie, I'm sorry but I really need to go check on Liss. Please, just don't worry about me, okay? I'll get over it." I allowed myself a small smile, although it felt completely forced. Before Eddie could say anything else, I walked off into the clinic.

* * *

"Hey Rose.." Liss was a bit out of it, probably the morphine they were giving her to make her sleep more easily.

"Hey Liss. How are you feeling?" My voice was shaking, but luckily for me Liss was too drugged up to notice.

"Yeah, I am great. But I am really tired, do you think we could talk tomorrow? Yeah? Okay, night Rose." Liss was beginning to slur her words together so I decided to let her sleep.

That left me with no where to go and no one to talk to. I dreaded having to be alone with my thoughts and emotions. I began walking towards my room. Maybe, if I was lucky, I would be able to get some sleep.

* * *

When I got to my room and locked the door behind me, I completely broke down. My guardian mask had shattered. I was alone, so there was nothing stopping me from falling to pieces. And that was exactly what I did. I cried and then I cried some more. I hunched my fragile little body up into a ball, crying, weeping and shaking so vigorously it hurt, wishing that I could just forget all about Dimitri and my feelings for him.

I now realised how familiar these feelings were to me. They were how Lissa felt when spirit was having there negative effects on her. She was depressed and resorted to physical harm. I could tell it wasn't spirit that was making me feel this way, it was just me. I wanted to take the pain away so badly. I couldn't think about anything else but the pain. It was killing me, so slowly. I decided to try a theory. Lissa had once told me it was better to focus on physical pain then emotional pain. I stood up, with much effort, and ran straight into the wall at full force. So, okay, maybe it wasn't the best idea, but it worked. My head began to throb and I was momentarily distracted from my thoughts of Dimitri. There was a knock on the door but I was in too much pain to stand up. I was gripping my head, trying to stop the pain, but all it did was make the pain worse. I was screaming out in pain. That was when I blacked out.

* * *

I woke up in the clinic, with Dimitri next to me sitting down with his head in his hands. He looked so sad, I wanted to console him with every inch of my body, but I locked those feelings away, replacing them with my guardian mask. That was when Dimitri realised I had woken up.

"Roza? Oh, thank god. Are you alright?" Why did he have to call me that, it almost sent my heart into overdrive.

"Yes, I'm fine." I kept my answers short and to the point, knowing that if they were any longer, my voice would become too shaky to handle.

"What happened?" Well that was a good question, I couldn't even remember.

"I... fell and I hit my head." I wasn't even sure if that happened. I just didn't know what explanation to give. It seemed logical enough. Dimitri's smouldering brown eyes stared deep into mine, I made sure to make no reaction what-so-ever. Dimitri realised that there was no emotion in them.

"Roza, please, talk to me. I know you are hurting. Just let me in." Didn't he understand that because of my feelings for him I was now hurting. I made sure my face was empty, with no emotion.

"Dimit- I mean, Guardian Belikov, please leave. I would like to get some rest and you are being completely inappropriate." It killed me on the inside to say those words to Dimitri. I saw the pain it caused him through his eyes. He was very good at masking his emotions but I was the only one that could read his eyes, knowing how much I had just hurt him. I wanted to apologise and wrap my arms around him. I wanted so badly just to leave this Academy. That was it. That was the only way I could protect myself and Lissa. This Academy always made Liss angry and depressed, forcing the spirit to show itself. The only way we would both be safe, was if we were no where near this school.

Now, all I had to do, was tell Lissa and come up with another escape plan. Great.

* * *

"Liss, we need to talk." It was a week after the incident with the clinic and Lissa, and I had finally come up with an escape plan. The thing was, that I hadn't really got around to telling Lissa yet. That was going to be the difficult part.

"Oh, no. You're not breaking up with me are you Rose?" Lissa said in a sarcastic, mocking tone.

"Look, we need to leave the Academy. I know you don't want to leave Christian, but Liss, this place is changing you. The spirit is beginning to control you rather then you control it. We have to do this. I won't let this happen to you." Liss had stopped in her tracks. She was completely dumbfounded.

"Rose, what are you...? How are we...? We can't! I will not leave Christian and I will not let you leave Dimitri." Just saying his name sent shivers down my spine. Dimitri and I hadn't spoken since the clinic. I still had my training sessions with him, but I made sure to keep them professional. Dimitri had tried to break through my mask. He had even pushed me up against a wall and kissed me. It had almost worked too.

* * *

_-flashback-_

"Roza, listen to me. I know you still have feelings for me. You can't hide it from me, I know you better then anyone else." And with that, he pushed me up against the gym wall and pressed his lips to mine. It felt like heaven, my body reacted immediately, melting into his touch. My arms involuntarily wrapped themselves around Dimitri's neck, pulling him closer to me. That was when I realised the voice screaming in my head, telling me to push him away. I wanted to ignore it, but I knew I couldn't. I pushed Dimitri off of me with every ounce of strength I had left.

"Roza.. Don't do this." Dimitri wasn't even trying to hide his emotions from me, he was way past that. He was in so much pain.

"No, Dimitri. What we had was amazing, I'm not denying that. But it's over now. I may still have feelings for you, but I will not let myself love you anymore." And with that I walked away from him, for the second time.

_-End of flashback-_

* * *

"Liss! Would you listen to me! Dimitri and I are over, have been for a while. I do not love him anymore.. and as for Christian, well you will just have to deal with it, because we are leaving this Academy! And we are leaving tonight."


	14. Chapter 14: Leaving

Chapter Fourteen: Leaving

Lissa had agreed to leave the Academy, although it took a long time for her to change her mind. She had even tried to change mine into staying, using compulsion as a last resort. Luckily for me, I had grown a kind of immunity to Lissa's compulsion. I figured out how to use our bond to block the effects compulsion would usually have on me. When Lissa realised that I was 100% set on leaving the Academy, she decided that she didn't want to be apart from me. I told Liss to pack a small backpack of a few items of clothing, money and the necessities. Liss had begged me to let her say goodbye to Christian, and I decided to give it to her. After all, she would probably never have see him again.

"Liss, are you ready?" I was anxious and very nervous. I had no idea if I could pull off an escape the second time around.

"Rose..." Liss moaned, "How are you planning on getting us out of here? Am I going to have to use compulsion again?" Liss wasn't fond of the spirit she wielded, so I wasn't going to force her to do anything she didn't want to do.

"No, Liss. It's okay. I have a plan that doesn't involve you using spirit. Actually, it's a pretty simple plan. It is basically the same plan that I used when I went after Mason with Christian." Liss flinched at hearing his name. She would always love him.

"Okay. I trust you. Just... don't get me killed." Liss was trying extremely hard to make a joke out of this situation and I appreciated her attempt.

"Thanks Liss. And I promise I will keep you safe. Lets go." I waited until it was the middle of the day, so the middle of the night for the Academy. There would be less guardians at the gate because there was a lower risk of Strigoi attacks during the day.

There was only one guardian at the front gate. I remembered his name as Jeremiah. He was one of the guardians who had brought Lissa and I back to the Academy last time we ran away. My plan was to get Lissa to distract him while I knocked him over the head with a log. It wasn't the most full proof plan, but it was the best I could come up with while I had Dimitri on the brain.

* * *

"Princess Vasilisa? What brings you to the front gate at the middle of the night? And why are you alone?" Jeremiah was already suspicious. He was very smart, but there was no way he would've expected me to knock him out. Before Lissa could even say anything he slumped to the floor. He would only be out for about an hour, and someone would be there to take over his shift well before then. Which meant we had to run.

"Come on Liss, we need to hurry!" So off we went, as fast as we could with the sun weakening Lissa every step she took. We didn't get as far as I would have liked in the time we were running, but I knew it wasn't Lissa's fault.

* * *

We had been jogging for about an hour when Liss stopped. I turned around immediately thinking she had been hurt.

"Liss, are you okay? What happened?"

"I'm fine. I just need to rest for a bit. How long are we going to have to run for? Can't we wait till nightfall?" Lissa didn't understand the reasons I chose to leave during the day. I was hoping that by the time the sun went down, we would have found someone to give us a lift into town, allowing us to find a hotel to stay at for the night. I guess I hadn't thought about Lissa's limitations.

"Liss, I'm sorry. I should've known better. I wish we could stay here until nightfall. But we can't, we need to get to a hotel in the next few hours or we will be sitting ducks for Strigoi." The gravity of what I had just said hit Lissa at full force. She started to panic, which wasn't helping my already anxious mood.

"Liss, calm down. You're driving me nuts over here. Look we'll rest for about 30 to 40 minutes okay? But then we will need to go." It was cutting it close, but I needed to think of Lissa's health aswell as her safety.

* * *

I woke up in darkness and I immediately recognised the nauseous feeling in the pit of my stomach. There were Strigoi around. I looked at my watch, realising that Liss and I had slept for much longer then 40 minutes. I should've been more focused. I let my exhaustion get in the way of protecting Lissa.

"Liss, wake up! We have to go, now!" I could tell by the nausea, that the Strigoi were not close, but they would be soon.

"Rose...? What's going on? What time is it?" Lissa was still half asleep.

"Liss, its night time. We over slept, now move!" There was no way we could get back to the Academy before the Strigoi reached us, but it was worth a try.

"Oh god Rose, are there...?" Liss could feel my emotions, also feeling that there were Strigoi around. She was so scared. We started running as fast as we could. It wasn't fast enough. The Strigoi were behind us in a matter of minutes. I stopped running and turned around.

"Liss, keep running. Don't stop!" It was then that I realised that there were five Strigoi in front of me. I was sure I would die trying to protect Lissa, but at least she would make it back to the Academy. Liss did as I said, she kept running, picking up as much speed as she could. Three of the Strigoi in front of me were obviously Dhampirs before turning. Which would make it a lot harder to defend myself, especially considering the fact that I didn't have a silver stake. I had been so distracted with getting out of the Academy, I had forgotten all about getting something to protect us with. How could I let myself be so stupid?

* * *

"Well well well, what do we have here boys? It couldn't possibly be the infamous Rose Hathaway could it? I guess it's time for you to live up to your reputation sweet heart." The blonde Strigoi hissed. My heart was pounding excruciatingly loud in my chest. I could see, through the bond, that Lissa was in sight of the Academy, so close to the wards. I was so happy that I didn't care about what happened to me next, all I cared about was that Liss was safe. I put up my wall, blocking Lissa, making sure she wouldn't be able to feel anything that I was about to feel. I couldn't put her through that.

"Just my luck. I have to fight a Strigoi that likes to talk." I wasn't going to give them the satisfaction of my fear. I was going to go down with as much confidence as I could muster.

"Oh, feisty isn't she? Jim, why don't you go first? I'm sure you'll be able to handle a little girl like this one." He did not just call me a little girl! What was he up to? I could tell by the way he looked at me that he knew I would be able to take the Strigoi Jim easily. Was he purposely getting rid of him? Before I had a second to process my thoughts, Jim came at me. He was very reckless and stupid. He didn't think about defending himself. It was almost like he just wanted to taste my blood. He obviously had no idea who I was. I dodged his attack, while grabbing his arm and twisting it behind his back, kneeing him in the back as I did this. He hissed out in pain.

"Wrong move." I whispered into his ear. I got him into a headlock and twisted his head until I heard a crack. He wasn't dead, not even close. He would recover soon. But at least that gave me time to take care of the others and then get away.

"George." The blonde Strigoi hissed out as an order. He was their leader, I could tell.

I smug smile played at my lips. He wasn't sending all of the Strigoi after me at once, which was surprising. Maybe, just maybe, I would be able to escape. As the Strigoi George came at me I jumped up into a roundhouse kick, knocking the strigoi in the chest, forcing him to stumble back. He was momentarily bewildered by my strength, which gave me an advantage. I flipped forward wrapping my legs around his neck, breaking it instantly. That was two down, three to go. The leader realised that he wouldn't be able to defeat me with just one Strigoi. That was when him and the other two Strigoi attacked me. I blocked a few of their attacks, but a lot got through. I could only go on the defensive. With three Strigoi, there was no way I would be on the offensive. I received a blow to the side of my head and one to my chest, winding me. I was knocked to the ground and for a second everything went blurry. That was when one of the Strigoi kicked me in the face causing me to black out.


	15. Chapter 15: Dreaming

**Note: Heyy everyone! So I don't know if you guys will like how this chapter ends, but I had to do it! Don't hate me.. But dw.. The story isn't over yet.. That's all I will say. =P Also I am making my chapters longer than they were before, to give you guys more to read.. Please keep reviewing.. Love to hear from you guys! =]**

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Chapter Fifteen: Dreaming

I woke up in my room back at the Academy. Had I missed something.. how did I get back there? That was when Adrian appeared and I realised this was a dream. Which obviously meant I wasn't at the Academy.

"Oh god.." I mumbled.

"Rose, thank god you're alive! We have been so worried. Where are you?" Adrian looked so thoughtful. I never realised how much he did care for me.

"Adrian, I... I don't know. The last thing I remember is fighting the Strigoi and then... nothing. Where's Lissa, is she okay?" That was all I cared about at that moment.

"Lissa is fine. When she got back to the Academy she was in hysterics, screaming at the guards to go find you and help you. By the time anyone even got to where Lissa said you were, you were gone." The Strigoi have me, I thought.

"Oh god.." Was all I could get out. Adrian saw the fear on my face and he wrapped his arms around me. I let him, because, after all, this might have been the last time I would ever see him again. The dream suddenly faded away as I began to wake up.

"Wake up sweetheart, it's feeding time." I had no idea what he was talking about until his fangs pierced the skin at my neck, I screeched out in agony until the high hit me. A lazy smile played at my lips and I was completely weak. This was not how I wanted a situation like this to go.

"Get off you sick son of a bitch.." My words slurred together. I tried to sound as strong and confident as I could, but I wasn't fooling anyone. I fell back into unconsciousness. Once again I woke up back at the Academy, with Adrian standing in front of me. From the look on his face, I mustn't have looked pretty.

"Rose, what have they done to you?" He sounded almost disgusted.

"I don't know. Any chance you can make a mirror magically appear?" For some reason, the high that the Strigoi bite gave me didn't come through to this dream, which I was grateful for. At least I could think clearly here. And just like that, a mirror appeared in front of me. That was when I caught sight of me. There were bruises all over my arms and legs, from where I had received blows from the Strigoi, but what was worse was that there were bite scars all over my neck, including the recent one that blood was dripping out of. The Strigoi had been feeding on me... a lot.

"Oh god Adrian. What am I going to do?" I felt so weak, which I hated. I never showed weakness in front of anyone, especially Moroi.

"Rose.. I don't know. I wish I could help you. Do you have any idea where you are?" Adrian felt so useless.

"I think I'm in a cave. All I can remember is it being so dark and there being dirt and rocks underneath me. I'm sorry, I don't remember anything else. I didn't really have time to." I was using every part of myself not to break down crying, but it wasn't good enough. Tears started streaming down my face involuntarily. Adrian was about to wipe my tears away when my dream faded into blackness again. I woke up once more.

The blonde Strigoi yanked me up by my hair and I screamed in pain.

"Look, do exactly as I tell you, and I will make this experience as painless as I can, alright?" Why did he care so much about me? From what I had learnt about Strigoi, they were blood thirsty monsters who had no value for human life. Why was he offering to take the pain away?

"Go to hell!" I spat at him. I was not going to give in to his charm.

"You really are a feisty one, aren't you? Truth is, I want you to stay alive. The others, well let's just say after having a taste of your blood, I'm having trouble keeping them in line. You are, after all, one of the sweetest tasting Dhampirs we have ever drunk from. And you're much more attractive then the rest." Was he seriously trying to give me a compliment? I could tell he was using compulsion on me. Luckily it wasn't working as well as he'd hoped. I guess my immunity went further then from just Lissa's.

"Oh, lucky me. A Strigoi has a crush on me. Too bad you're not my type. I don't go for psychopathic beasts." He genuinely looked hurt at my comment. But I didn't care. He was still a beast to me.

"You know Rose, I do have a name. It's Nikoli. I would appreciate it if you called me by my name from now on." He was using compulsion on me again, but this time I couldn't resist. He was using everything he had.

* * *

"Nikoli, where are we going?" I tried so hard to fight the compulsion he was using on me, but unfortunately it wasn't working. As much as I hated it, the compulsion was making me like Nikoli. It made me sick to my stomach, but I couldn't do anything.

"We are leaving this cave sweetheart. Finding somewhere more secure to go. After all, I don't doubt that your beloved Academy will be sending people to find you. I can't have that, you see." He was so conversational. He wasn't carrying or dragging me, I was walking at my own free will. Of course, he was using compulsion to make sure I followed him.

"Are we going to another cave?" I asked in disgust. I hated the last cave we were at. It was dirty, dark and cold. Just like the Strigoi.

"No Rose, we are going some place much nicer. But first we will be getting you some new clothes. Those ones are a little worn." Who was he kidding? My clothes were completely ruined. I couldn't help but question his motives. Why was he doing all of this for me? He could have easily killed me, or turned me and yet he seemed to want to keep me as a Dhampir. As weird as it sounded, this Strigoi seemed to be my friend. Of course, that could have been the compulsion talking.

* * *

We were in a small clothes store. I had no idea where we were of course. The girl at the counter was worried about me. She saw my clothes and immediately wanted to come to my aid.

"Are you alright?" She whispered to me when she thought we were out of ear shot of the Strigoi. Poor girl. She had no idea. I wanted to tell her everything, how much danger I was in. How much danger she was in. But there were two things preventing me from doing this. One, if I told her, she would surely die and I still wanted to protect this human and two, the compulsion was stopping me.

"Yes, of course. I was in a car crash. I'm fine though. I just need some new clothes." I gave her the sweetest smile which I knew was because of the compulsion. She shrugged it off and found me some clothes. I was about to try on a pair of jeans and T-shirt when Nikoli stopped me and told me to try on a dress. It was beautiful. It was short and flowy. It was a deep purple, silk dress that felt amazing against my skin. I tried it on without argument. While I was in the change room, I stared at myself in the mirror wearing the dress. Much to my dismay, I actually really liked it. It hugged my body perfectly. That was when Nikoli walked in and closed the door behind him.

"Well, aren't you a sight for sore eyes? You look amazing sweetheart." He sounded so sincere. I happened to forget he was a Strigoi and without even thinking about it, I said something without compulsion forcing me to.

"Thank you so much Nikoli. It's beautiful."

"You're beautiful, Rose." Nikoli spun me around to face him and gently pulled me into a kiss. It was strange because I actually liked it. It was so odd to be kissed so sweetly by such a strong and violent creature. Before I even realised what was happening, I locked my arms around his neck and knotted my hands in his silky blonde hair. Nikoli wrapped his arms around my waste, pulling me closer into him. It felt incredible. Like nothing I had ever felt before. He felt so... human, normal. It felt nice. I didn't have to worry about Lissa's safety or being caught. All I had to think about was Nikoli and his lips against mine. The kiss began to deepen and I felt a hunger rise up on Nikoli's lips, he wanted more then to just kiss me, but he wasn't forcing anything on me. I felt that same hunger for more. I wanted Nikoli just as much as he wanted me. Nikoli used one hand to pull my leg up so that it was wrapped around his waist. He let out a slight growl against my lips, which made me want him even more. He began kissing my neck and I could feel his fangs brush against my skin, he didn't want to bite me, he just wanted to kiss me. The touch of his fangs against my skin made my heart pound even heavier then before. I then wrapped my other leg around his waist, making sure every part of my body was touching his. We were still fully clothed, although my dress was extremely short. His hands were making there way up my back under my dress. Even though his hands felt like ice, they were sending electric shocks throughout my body every time he touched me. I felt so much more alive then I ever had with Dimitri, it was an incredible feeling. I didn't want it to end, in fact, I wanted it to go much further then it was.

"Rose.. We shouldn't get too out of control." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He wanted to stop.

"Why? Don't you want me?" I said between kisses.

"Of course I want you sweetheart, I want you more then I should. But I don't want to hurt you. And if I get out of control, I'm afraid I will." Those words were like having a bucket of ice cold water splashed on my face. We immediately stopped and I saw how much lust was in Nikoli's eyes. It made my heart race. It wasn't that he didn't want me, I could see he did, it was because he didn't want to hurt me. Maybe I would be able to convince him into loosing control for just a little while when we were at the next place we were going to.


	16. Chapter 16: Freedom

**Note: Heyy all, I hope you like this chapter! =] Please keep reviewing! Love hearing from you guys.. Also I have some news! Vampire Academy is going to be made into a movie! =D Hope you guys are happy to hear it! =] - Raechel**

* * *

Chapter Sixteen: Freedom

We were at a hotel. But not just any hotel, it was massive and absolutely stunning. Nikoli had arranged for himself and I to stay in the presidential suite. The other Strigoi were in smaller rooms on a different level, which was surprising, but exhilarating. Nikoli and I would be alone in a hotel room, all night. I was both nervous and excited about that fact. When we were finally alone in the hotel room, I decided to take a shower and clean myself up. As I was walking out of the bathroom with nothing but a towel around me, I noticed Nikoli staring at me.

"Can I help you with something?" I gave him the most man eating smile I could manage. He chuckled.

"Rose, you really are an incredibly unpredictable woman, you know that? How can you be so comfortable around me? I'm not even compelling you anymore. Did you even notice?" He seemed so worried about the fact that I could bolt for the exit at any moment. I guess he didn't really know me that well.

"Yes, I did notice actually. But the truth is, I kind of like being around you. You're different to most Strigoi, you're more... human than the others. You make me feel more normal then I ever have in my entire life, which is saying something. Why do you doubt yourself so much?"

"I doubt myself because from the moment I was turned into this monster, I have had to kill innocent people. I never wanted this life. If you can even call it a life. When I heard about the famous Rose Hathaway, I wanted to seek you out. I wanted to ask you to kill me, because I didn't want to exist. But when I saw you on the road with the Princess... I can't even explain it. Everything changed. I didn't want you to kill me, I wanted you to be with me." I could see how much he regretted killing all of those people. And I could also see how much he felt for me. It was an amazing feeling to make such a difference in someone's life. Before he could speak another word I walked up to him and kissed him.

"Rose, please. I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't. I trust you." He looked into my eyes questioningly. He wanted me so much, but was so afraid of what might happen if he lost control. He saw the trust in my eyes and brought his lips to mine. He felt so warm to me. Every touch was like being burnt, although it didn't hurt. Nikoli lifted me up into his arms so gently and carried me over to the bed. I hadn't noticed before, but the hotel room was amazing. The walls were a deep red, with gold lining around the edges. The bed was so soft. As Nikoli laid me down on my back he swiftly removed his shirt, so I could get a better look at his body. There were scars from where he had been bitten before he was turned, but he was still perfect. His muscles were perfectly defined. He was beautiful. I hadn't realised before, but he had removed my towel right before picking me up. He was staring at me, admiring me. I could see the hunger in his eyes and all over his body. He laid down on top of me, pressing his body onto mine, without crushing me. As he was kissing my neck I began to remove his jeans, which took next to no effort.

"Rose... Are you sure?" He was so worried about me, it only made me want him even more. All thoughts of Dimitri and Lissa disappeared from my mind as Nikoli made love to me. Our bodies moved perfectly together, completely entwined in each other. Nikoli would whisper my name in my ear out of pleasure and I would moan against his lips. My hands, knotted in his hair. His hands, tracing my back. I had never felt so free. Not having to think about anyone else but myself for once.

* * *

I woke up with Nikoli next to me. He didn't sleep, but he allowed me to fall asleep in his arms. He was tracing circles on my lower back with the tips of his fingers. It felt so soothing.

"Good morning sweetheart. Did you have a nice sleep?"

"Morning. And yes, I did. Probably the best nights sleep I've ever had. How about you?"

"Well I wasn't asleep, but I did enjoy listening to your steady breathing. Did you know you talk in your sleep?" His faint Texas accent asked.

"I do not! You're lying.. What did I say?" He chuckled and kissed my forehead.

"That's for me to know, and for you to find out." He said with a smirk. It felt so natural to be with Nikoli. No boundaries. No complications. And no secrets.

"Rose, I think you should go back to the Academy." Okay, where had that come from?

"What? Why?" How could he say something like that?

"Because you miss the Princess. You said so in your sleep. You should go back to her. This is no life for someone like you. You need to be a guardian. You need to protect the Moroi from people like me. I will not change you into what I am and I can not be what you are ever again. You need to be with your friends and family, not with me. I am no good for you Rose."

"But I want to be with you. I want to stay here. Who cares about how different we are. I don't. We can work it out. I don't want to leave you." As much as I hated the idea of leaving Nikoli, he was right. There was no way a Strigoi/Dhampir relationship would ever work.

"I know. And I want you to stay here more then you will ever know. You make me feel human. Or at least as human as I was before I was turned. I wish we could stay together forever, but the truth is, that killing is in my nature. If I got angry at you, I could kill you. I would not be able to live with myself if that happened."

* * *

So there I was, standing 200 metres away from the front gates of the Academy. It hadn't taken us long to get back to the school. We hadn't gone very far away from it to start off with. There I was with 5 Strigoi standing around me. One of which was Nikoli.

"Nikoli, we shouldn't let her go back there. She is dangerous. We should kill her now." The brunette Strigoi said, whose name I remembered as Mikel.

"Mikel, shut up! If I say she goes free, she goes free – no questions asked! This is my decision, not yours." Nikoli hissed. He was so demanding and strong. I knew he was just acting that way for the other Strigoi, but it hurt to know that this was how he must be. Nikoli barked out an order to the other Strigoi. They then backed away to give us some privacy.

"Alone at last." Nikoli chuckled.

"I will miss you."

"And I, you Rose. You are one of a kind." He stroked my cheek with the back of his hand. It sent shivers down my spine. Even when I was leaving him he could make me feel this way. I wrapped my arms around his neck, knotting one hand in his hair and kissed him. If it was going to be the last kiss between us, I wanted it to be a good one. His tongue traced my bottom lip until I permitted its entry. His hands began to move up my back under my shirt. I wanted him to go further, but the only problem was, we were out in the open and he had to go before the sun came up. I broke the kiss first, making sure my body was still pressed up against his.

"Goodbye."

"Goodbye sweetheart. After you graduate, if you want to, you can always find me. I will be waiting." With one last kiss, we separated and I began walking towards the Academy as he walked in the opposite direction. I had made two attempts to run away from that school and now, of my own free will, I was walking straight back into the complications, the boundaries and the secrets.

* * *

As I got to the gates, the guardians who were on patrol there, saw me and at first reacted as if I was some sort of a threat. As I got closer, they recognised who I was. Before they let me in, they asked to see my eyes. They had to make sure I was still a Dhampir. When I had proved to them that I was , they let me into the Academy. They took me straight to Kirova, which I suspected as much. Kirova was shocked, completely dumbfounded.

"Rose? How did you get away from the Strigoi? Lissa said there were about 5 of them and that you didn't have a stake?" Kirova wanted facts. Of course I couldn't tell her the truth, so I told her the first best thing that came to mind.

"Well, I didn't escape exactly. They took me away to a cave not far away, taking turns to feed on me. They left me there thinking I was dead, or would be soon. I was there for days, trying to recuperate. I'm surprised I was that lucky. When I was well enough to walk, I didn't exactly know where I was going, so I just kept walking. A woman who was driving saw me and offered me some help. She took me into town and took me to a hospital. She bought me clothes and took care of me until I was well enough to leave. That's when I came back here." Only a fraction of that was true.

"Wow. You really are a fighter. Unfortunately I have to punish you for trying to run away with the Princess. You put both yours and her life in danger. You should have known better Rose, I expected more from you." I was expecting this kind of a lecture from Kirova, but I was expecting more. She told me to go to the clinic to get checked out and then to rest until she could come up with a punishment. Before I left, Kirova said one last thing to me.

"You should find Lissa. She hasn't been doing well since your... disappearance. Also, Guardian Belikov would be happy to see your safe aswell. He has taken it badly aswell. I suppose he wished he could have been a better mentor to you." What Kirova said surprised me. Not about Lissa, but about Dimitri. I thought he would have moved on, thinking that I was dead or turned.

* * *

After I went to the clinic and got a 100% bill of health, I went to find Lissa. This wouldn't be easy. I hadn't taken my walls down since the moment the Strigoi attacked me. I didn't want to scare her, so I kept them up. I wouldn't tell her about Nikoli. My story had to stay as it was, no matter what. I let myself feel Lissa's emotions and what I felt, was not good.


	17. Chapter 17: Coming Home

**Note: Heyy Everyone. Sorry if it took me a little while to update. I hope you like this chapter! =] Remeber to keep reviewing, I love hearing what you guys think.. Also if you guys have any requests on where this story might lead, let me know and I will take your suggestions into consideration. =] - Raechel**

* * *

Chapter Seventeen: Coming Home

"Lissa?" She was in her room, in bed. She wasn't asleep but she felt incredibly exhausted.

"Oh god.. So I'm crazy now. I guess that's understandable. Just leave me alone! I do not want to have to deal with hallucinations on top of everything else!"

"Liss, snap out of it! It's really me. I'm alive and I am standing in your room right now." I knew I could have been a little gentler to her, but she really need to snap out of the state she was in.

"Rose? Is it really you? Oh my god! I'm so glad you're okay! I was so worried. I thought you were dead because I couldn't feel you. I can't believe this! What happened to you? How did you escape? How do you feel?" Lissa said while leaping into my arms for a hug. She squeezed me as tightly as she possibly could, never wanting to let go. It actually began to hurt.

"Can't breathe... lungs crushing, limbs breaking. Liss!"

"Sorry! I am just so glad you're okay! What happened out there? You have been gone for a week, how did you get away from them? There were five of them weren't there?" Oh god. I hated lying to Lissa, but I knew I had to. She would never be able to understand the things I did.

"Well, you're right. There were five Strigoi. I tried to fight them off but there were two many of them. They dragged me away to a cave a few miles away. I blacked out for most of it, so all I remember is them constantly drinking from me and beating me. I remember waking up alone in the cave. I was barely able to move, my guess is they left me to die. I didn't know where I was or how to get back here. I was walking for a long time when a woman offered to help me. I was taken to a hospital where I recovered. After I was well enough to leave I found my way back here." Lissa new me better then anyone, which meant she knew I wasn't telling the whole truth, but luckily for me, she figured the thing I wasn't telling her, was something the Strigoi had done to me that I did not want to talk about.

"Lissa, I am so sorry. I never should have put your life in danger like that. I was being selfish when I made the decision to leave the Academy. I didn't want to be around Dimitri anymore. I _couldn't_ be around him. I didn't want to leave you so I thought that if I used spirit as an excuse, you wouldn't argue too much about leaving. Liss, I don't know what else to say except for I'm so incredibly sorry." Lissa was angry at what I had just told her, but she knew she could never stay mad at me.

"Rose, why didn't you just tell me about you and Dimitri? I can't believe he would break up with you!"

"Liss, Dimitri didn't break up with me. I am the one that ended it. Please don't ask any questions, I would rather not talk about it right now. I kind of have to find Dimitri. There are some things we need to talk about. I'll see you later, yeah?"

"Okay, but be careful. He has been in pretty bad shape lately. Even worse then me. Just go easy on him, would you?"

So off I went, to find Dimitri. This was not going to be easy.

* * *

I was standing outside the door to his room. I had no idea what I was going to say to him or how he would even react, but I had to do this. I needed to talk to him. So I knocked on his door, all the while, my hand was shaking. When he opened the door, he looked so tired, like he hadn't slept in days. I couldn't help but feel a little guilty.

"Roza? Is it really you?" I hadn't realised how much I missed his voice, and the way he said my name in Russian, made my heart ache.

"Yes, Dimitri, it's really me. May I come in, we have a few things to talk about." As much as I felt for Nikoli, I didn't love him. I had very strong feelings for him, but Dimitri would always be the man I love.

"Yes, of course. How did you...? I was so scared. I thought you had been..." Dimitri was having so much trouble putting a full sentence together. I honestly thought he was going to cry. It was touching to know that after everything I had said to him, he still loved me.

"You, scared? Sorry to inform you, comrade, but that's not possible. Nothing ever scares you remember?" I tried to keep the mood as light as possible, but I knew that would be a failed attempt because soon enough, this conversation would become an emotional one.

"Roza, you have no idea how scared I was. I don't know what I would have done if I had lost you. I know I used to push you away and deny my feelings for you, but I'm not doing that anymore. I love you, Roza. I was attracted to you from the moment I first saw you."

"Dimitri, you know I love you. I want to be with you more than anything. And I would. I have thought a lot about us. I don't want to push you away anymore. I want this to work. But I'm just afraid that having to keep our relationship a secret from everyone at this Academy, will just be too complicated for us to handle." I had thought about my feelings for Dimitri a lot. I had begun to think that maybe I could become Lissa's guardian and have a relationship with Dimitri. I had my worries of course, but I thought that maybe it could really work.

"Roza, I will not keep my feelings for you a secret from the Academy anymore. They already know about us. After you disappeared, people saw how... distraught I was. They started to ask questions and I decided to tell the truth for once. I thought you were dead and I didn't care if I lost my job. It would have been nothing without you anyway." I wrapped my arms around Dimitri's neck pulling him into a hug. He immediately reacted by wrapping his arms around my waist.

"I couldn't imagine never being able to touch you again." He whispered into my hair. And then he pulled away from me and I saw tears streaming down his cheeks. I wiped his tears away with my fingers and pulled his lips down to mine. I had been denying my feelings for Dimitri for so long, I almost forgot what it was like to kiss him.

"Roza.." Dimitri continued whispering my name in Russian against my lips. He began to kiss my neck but stopped abruptly.

"What's wrong?"

"Roza, I... I am so sorry about what they did to you." It was then that I remembered the bruises and scars on my neck from where the Strigoi had drunk from me. I placed my hand on Dimitri's face.

"Don't be. This is not your fault, it is entirely my own. I am just glad I was able to come back to you." And with that, Dimitri began kissing me again, with much more eagerness as before. He didn't want to waste a second. He took me to the bed and laid me down as gently as he could, pressing his entire body against mine, I could feel how much his body longed for mine. Clothing begun to get in the way, so we decided to get rid of it. I traced my finger tips over Dimitri's perfectly sculpted chest, memorising every inch of his lustrous body. I never wanted to forget the way he looked, or the way he made me feel. Dimitri's tongue traced over my lips, then my neck... making it's way down my body.

"Roza... You are beautiful. I will never let you go again." Those were the final words that were spoken that night. Except for a few whispered, intimate comments of course.

* * *

I woke up feeling more awake then I had in a while. I could feel Dimitri's strong arms around me. As I went to get up, his arms tightened around me.

"You're not going anywhere. Do you not remember me saying I am never letting you go again? Well, I meant it."

"As romantic and sweet as that is comrade, I have to go to the bathroom and I would rather not to have you there with me." Dimitri chuckled and released me temporarily. When I got out of the bathroom, I couldn't see Dimitri anywhere. I called out his name, but no response. I started to panic slightly. Then I heard his voice.

"I am in the TV room Roza. I have something to show you." I decided to put some clothes on, after all, it did get quite cold in the mornings. I found one of Dimitri's white collared shirts and put it on over my bra and underwear. I was sure Dimitri would keep me as warm as I needed to be.

"So what did you want to show me?" I asked provocatively.

"Roza, you look... stunning.. And let me just say that I love the way my shirt looks on you." Dimitri said with a smirk.

"Well, don't get used to it comrade, I do have to wear regular clothes at some point."

"Come over here, you're out of the bathroom so now we go back to me never letting you go." I walked over to Dimitri and sat on his lap. I felt like we had been a couple for years. Everything felt so natural with Dimitri.

"So, as I was saying before, what did you want to show me?"

"Roza, I have known you for almost a year now, and in that time, I feel as though you understand parts of me no one else does or ever will. I told you I would never let you go, and I meant it. I'm not letting go, not for the rest of my life. I will love you forever. That is why I would like to ask your hand in marriage. Will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?" That was the last thing I was expecting.


	18. Chapter 18: Answers

**Note: Heyy everyone. I am SO sorry for not updating sooner! I have been really busy with school. I hope you guys like this chapter. It doesn't end in a cliffhanger which will be a nice refresher for you guys. =] Thanks for all the reviews, I love hearing from you guys. Keep the suggestions coming! =] - Raechel**

* * *

Chapter Eighteen:

Answers

"Dimitri, I... I don't know what to say." I was speechless, literally speechless. Which was the first time that had ever happened to me. The man I was in love with asked me to marry him. I should have said yes in a heartbeat, right?

"You can say yes Roza. I want to be with you every day for the rest of my life. And I want to do that as your husband. When I wake up in the morning, the first thing I want to see is you." If this was a romantic movie, those would have been the perfect words that would have made me say yes right then, but I couldn't get the words out. I wanted to say yes. I wanted to be with Dimitri for the rest of my life, I wanted to marry him. But I couldn't say it. The words were stuck at the back of my throat, begging to come out, but my mind wasn't letting them.

"Roza? Do you not want to marry me?" Dimitri began to question my feelings for him, I could see it in his eyes. He was doubting what he thought we had. I wanted to tell him not to worry and that I loved him with all of my heart, but something was preventing me from doing so. I needed to say something, so I blurted out the first thing that came to mind.

"I need to talk to Lissa first." Dimitri's panic lessened a little when hearing that. I really did need to talk to Lissa about this. But not because I was asking her permission. Actually, I wanted to talk to her about something else entirely. I told Dimitri I would talk to Lissa and think about his proposal. I felt horrible for giving him that answer, but before I could even think about becoming Dimitri's wife, I needed to sort out Lissa's issues with spirit.

* * *

"He proposed? Oh my god! What did you say? Who am I kidding? Of course you said yes! I can't believe this, Rose! You're getting married. Can I please, please, please be your wedding planner?" Lissa was over flowing with excitement. I hated to put a damper on her mood, but I knew I had to.

"Liss, I didn't say yes. I didn't say no either, before you start freaking out. I told him I would think about it."

"Rose, why would you do that? You love Dimitri, and he loves you. It's perfect!"

"No, Liss. It's not perfect. Far from it. For one, I am barely 18 years old. I am still in school, granted I am graduating in a few weeks, but I will become a guardian... your guardian. Not to mention Dhampir marriages aren't allowed. And on top of that, I have you to worry about. We need to fix things before I decide to run off and marry another Dhampir, okay?" Liss began to realise my logic, and she regrettably agreed with it.

"Yeah, I guess you're right. I just want you to have everything you want Rose."

"I know, and I love you for that but for now can we just put Dimitri's proposal aside? We need to talk about spirit. I constantly ignored it because I was afraid of what would happen. I used running away as a temporary solution for your problems, and mine, which was wrong. We need to figure this out. About what happened outside the church. Do you remember any of it? Or is it still all black?" As much as I hated bringing this topic up, we had to face it.

"I remember bits of it. I get flashes every now and then. But trust me Rose, they are not pretty. I never told you this, but earlier that day I had gotten in a huge fight with Christian. It was really bad. To tell you the truth, we fought about you. Christian was upset about how much time I spent with you. He kept complaining that I never spent time with him anymore, and I became increasingly agitated. I got so angry that I wanted to strangle him. So I walked away. I thought maybe going to the church would help calm me down, but Jesse Zeklos was outside with his minions. They were saying things about you. Really horrible things. I got so angry that I sent Jesse flying without even thinking about it. That's when they ran off. There were other Moroi around, just staring at me like I was some kind of freak. I got so angry that the spirit overwhelmed me. It took control of my whole body, including my emotions. I couldn't stop myself. I... attacked them, Rose. I killed those Moroi! I made them live through there worst fears. I can remember there screams. They were so scared, Rose. I am so sorry!" Lissa was in tears. It took a lot out of her to say all of that out loud. She was so ashamed and scared of herself. She was afraid of what she was becoming.

"Liss, it wasn't your fault. You had no idea what you were doing. Maybe now that you know what you are capable of, you will have better luck at trying to control it?" I was grasping at thin air for a solution. I wanted to give Liss hope, even if it was only a tiny thread.

"No, Rose. I don't think I can control it. After you were taken by the Strigoi, it happened again. Only this time I could feel it coming. I ran out to the grounds, far enough away from anyone but still inside the wards. I lost control of everything. I began hacking away at anything and everything that was around me. If you went out there now, all you would see is mutilated trees. After that, I went to the clinic and asked for my old prescription. I'm back on my meds. I have no access to my powers at all, I can't feel the spirit either."

"Liss, are you sure that's really the smart way of dealing with this? I have felt your urge to heal people. How could you deny yourself of that?"

"Rose, it's for the best. Now, I can't hurt anyone anymore. I want to take the meds. And I need you to be on my side with this. Please." Lissa's desperation was so worrying, but I knew that I had to agree with her. It wouldn't help her at all if I were to tell her I thought she was making a mistake.

"Of course, Liss. You know I'll always be on your side."

"Thanks, Rose. Your the best," I felt Lissa's worry calm a little. "So, now that my spirit problems are all sorted, you can marry Dimitri?"

"Liss, I don't really know if I want to marry Dimitri." Liss looked at me with a horrified expression.

"Rose, what are you talking about? You love Dimitri don't you?"

"Of course I love him, but I am only 18 years old. I'm not ready to become a wife. Dimitri is ready to settle down, I understand that. But I'm not. I'm going to be your guardian. There is no way a marriage would ever be able to work."

"Rose, why are you trying so hard to find reasons why you shouldn't get married? Shouldn't you be finding reasons why you should?" Liss was right. I was trying to come up with as many excuses as I could as to why I shouldn't marry Dimitri. The truth was that, I just didn't want to marry him. I know it sounds really horrible, but I was not ready for that kind of commitment.

"Liss, it's just really complicated, okay? You should go spend some time with your boyfriend, we don't want him complaining again." I said with a smirk. So off Liss went. And there I was, left with my thoughts and nothing to do. Everyone else was in class but because of my 'ordeal' I was told not to go back to classes until I was ready. I used that to my advantage.

* * *

I was walking around the school grounds, thinking about the things Dimitri had said to me when he proposed, and about his proposal in general. I had no idea how I was going to say no to the man I loved. I even started rehearsing what I was going to say.

_'Dimitri, you know I love you. I always will, but I am not ready for marriage. I have only just recently turned 18. I need time to live out my teenage years before I think about getting married. You're amazing, and I love you, but please understand that I can't marry you... not yet.'_

I kept going through it in my head over and over again, imagining the different reactions I might get from Dimitri. That was when Jonathan stepped out in front of me.

"Oh god, you have got to be kidding me. What the hell are you doing here?" I was not in the mood to see him.

"Hello Rose. Nice to see you too. I came when I heard you had been taken by Strigoi. I was worried about you after all. You're looking very beautiful tonight, I mean today.

"Well, here I am, alive and well. You can leave the Academy now." Jonathan chuckled.

"Yeah, I think I might stick around for a while. Oh, I heard Dimitri proposed to you? How lovely. I'm sure that won't go down with his family well at all."

"How did you know Dimitri proposed? Wait, why would his family not like the idea?"

"You didn't know? It's because he is already married. To my sister, actually. That's how I know Dimitri, if you were wondering." I was shocked, hurt, angry, all kinds of emotions were flowing through me at that instant.

"You're lying." I didn't want to believe it.

"It's understandable that you wouldn't believe me. But just ask Dimitri for yourself. I'm sure he wouldn't be able to directly lie to your face. You would be able to see it in his eyes, right?" Jonathan was right, I would be able to see it if Dimitri was lying. I knew him that well. But I wasn't sure if Jonathan was just trying to cause friction between Dimitri and I, or if what he was saying was actually true. I was afraid of how Dimitri would react.

* * *

"Roza? Is something wrong?" I was standing at the door of Dimitri's room.

"No, well, I don't know. I kind of want to ask you something, if that's alright?" I was almost shaking I was so nervous.

"Yes, of course Roza. You can ask me anything."

"It's about Jonathan's sister." I saw Dimitri's face harden and his guardian mask come up, he was going to try and lie to me.

"What about her?"

"Are you married to her?" There was no way of avoiding the question or softening it. I needed to know the truth. Dimitri's guardian mask faltered a little when he saw the sadness in my face, but he was staying strong.

"No, of course not... Why would you think that?" Dimitri was lying. I could see it. His eyes always deceived him.

"You could've at least had the decency to tell me the truth." I was so hurt and upset that before Dimitri could even say anything, I ran out of his room and out towards the trees just inside the wards. I could hear Dimitri calling after me, running after me. But I was faster then he was.


	19. Chapter 19: Mistakes

**Note: Heyy everyone.. Again, sorry for not updating sooner! =] I hope you like this chapter.. Just a warning. There is a 'sex scene' in this chapter.. It isn't all that detailed so I wouldn't worry too much. Thanks for all the reviews! Keep it up! =] - Raechel**

* * *

Chapter Nineteen: Mistakes

I was just outside the wards when I stopped running. I could feel my heart beating through my chest, but that wasn't because of the running, I wasn't even tired. I felt heartbroken. How could Dimitri lie to me about something so big? I was hurt and angry and didn't feel like talking to anyone. All I wanted to do was crawl into a hole and never come out. I kept thinking to myself, why hadn't I just stayed with Nikoli? Everything was so much simpler when I was with him. That was when Dimitri caught up with me.

"Roza, please just listen to what I have to say before you run off again."

"What could you possibly have to say? I know you were lying to me Dimitri."

"Yes, and I really am truly sorry about that. The truth is that I was married to Savannah, Jonathan's sister. Well, I guess in a way, I still am." My heart beat was getting stronger and heavier just hearing Dimitri say those words to me. I felt my heart was being ripped savagely from my chest.

"How could that possibly make me feel better? What am I supposed to say to that Dimitri?" Dimitri could see the hurt and anger in my eyes. His mask was crumbling slowly, he hated seeing me like this.

"Roza, before I came to the Academy I was in Russia, with my family for a while. I met Savannah and I thought I had fallen in love with her. Jonathan and I became close friends and I actually thought about staying there with her. I proposed to her, thinking that even if I was far away, our marriage would keep us together. Savannah hated the idea of me being in harms way so she told me to ask to be reassigned at the Academy, where the wards would protect me. I did as she asked and left. We had only been married a few months when I met you. The night I took you back to the Academy, it was as if my eyes had been opened. I didn't love Savannah, I only loved the idea of her. I didn't know what love felt like until I met you. That is why I tried to deny my feelings for you for so long. I was so afraid of what I was doing. I knew it was wrong, but I was in love with you. I wrote to Savannah telling her that my feelings had changed. She never replied. I am so sorry for lying to you, but I didn't know what else to do." I was in complete and total shock. Dimitri, the Dimitri that I always thought was perfect in every way, cheated on his wife with _me._ I was the other woman, and had no idea about it. I felt aweful.

"How could you do that to her, and to me? How could you turn me into the other woman?" I was so angry, I was on the verge of throwing a punch.

"Roza, I made a mistake."

"No, you made more then one mistake. Your first one was falling for me, then lying to me, cheating on your wife and still lying about it to me. I thought you were different then that. I guess I know never to trust my instincts." I was practically spitting the words into Dimitri's face. Every thing I said, hurt him. I could see it. His heart was breaking just as much as mine had. But I could also see that he knew he deserved this. He felt so guilty, so horrible. I wanted to be able to forgive him, to tell him that I still loved him.

"Roza, please, I need you in my life. I can't lose you. Please forgive me." Dimitri's words were desperate and pleading. I hadn't realised before, but tears were streaming down my face. I couldn't stop them, and to be honest, I didn't want to.

"I'm sorry, but I can't." I turned my back on Dimitri for the umpteenth time, knowing that this time was for real.

* * *

_Rose, where are you? I can feel your emotions, and you're starting to scare me. What happened?_

Lissa, could feel my emotions, but I hadn't let her see what happened between Dimitri and I. I decided to let her see everything. From Nikoli and myself to the fight Dimitri and I had just had. It took a while for Lissa to get through everything, but when it was finished, she was feeling shocked, scared, sad, angry, practically every emotion there was out there.

_Rose... I, I don't know how to react to that. I can't believe Dimitri is married! Please tell me where you are, you shouldn't be alone right now._

That was the thing, I wanted to be alone. That's why I hadn't shown Liss where I was.

_No, Liss. I need to be alone. I can't see anyone right now, please just let me be. I will come see you when I am ready, I promise._

Lissa agreed with much reluctance, and so I put up my walls so she wouldn't be able to feel me at all. I wanted to be completely alone. I began walking around the perimeter of the wards, thinking about things. I thought about my feelings for Dimitri, Jonathan and even Nikoli. I didn't know how to feel towards Jonathan. I guess on one level, I was glad that he told me the truth, even if it was to force Dimitri and myself apart. I was so hurt at what Dimitri had done, that I couldn't even think about my feelings for him, they were so jumbled. It was the middle of the day for the Moroi world, which meant I was walking in darkness. But I could still see where I was going because of my Dhampir eye sight.

"Well, well, well. Look whose finally strayed far enough away from the Academy that I will get to see them." It was Nikoli. I hated to admit it, but I was so happy to see him. A huge smile immediately formed on my face and I stepped out of the wards and jumped into his arms without even thinking.

"I can't believe you actually came to see me. Isn't it a bit dangerous so be so close to the wards?"

"Yes, I suppose it is. But I don't care. I wanted to see you sweetheart."

"Well, I am glad you took the risk. I have missed you so much. I wish I never came back to this place. Take me away from here?" I knew I was sounding completely irrational but I didn't care. I wanted to get as far away from this place as I possibly could.

"Of course sweetheart. Anything for you. But first..." And then Nikoli kissed me. I could tell that he had been wanting to do that since he first saw me walking inside the wards. It was such a passionate, hungry kiss. I lost all sense of self control as I wrapped my arms around his neck, knotting my hands in his hair. I wrapped my legs around his waste and he walked over to a tree off to the left. He pushed me against the tree and I felt every inch of his arousal. I wanted to feel this way for eternity. I could feel Nikoli's fangs brush against the skin of my neck, but I knew he wouldn't bite me. I was becoming increasingly hungry for his body so I began removing his shirt. He helped me out of my shirt as he continued kissing me. His tongue traced my lower lip asking to enter and I immediately gave it permission. Nikoli traced from my collar bone up to just below my ear with his tongue. I knew what he wanted to do with me and I was going to let him. He laid me down on the grass, pushing his body against mine, making me feel even better than I had before. He removed his pants with next to no effort as I admired his perfect body. I removed my exercise tights as Nikoli stared at me with hungry, lust filled eyes. He pushed himself against me one more time as I arched my back so I could be closer to him. It felt amazing. I couldn't explain it. I was in a trance of ecstasy and I never wanted it to end. I could hear Nikoli groaning in my ear, whispering my name. I couldn't stop myself from moaning with him.

* * *

After Nikoli and myself had finally decided to remove ourselves from each others arms, he took me away from the Academy, just like I'd asked. I knew I was leaving Lissa, but after everything I had been through with Dimitri, I knew I wouldn't be able to go back to the Academy for a long time. We caught a plane to L.A and when we arrived at a hotel, I decided to email Lissa.

_Dear Lissa, _

_I'm not entirely sure if anyone has figured out that I am gone, but I thought I should write to you and explain. Yes, I have left the Academy. I would appreciate it if you could forward that message along for me. What I don't want anyone else to know is that I am with Nikoli. I am so sorry for leaving you, but after everything that has happened, I just needed some time. I realise that this means I won't be able to graduate and become a guardian. I am okay with that, because even if I am not 'legally' a guardian, I will always be yours. Just give me some time to sort my head out, okay? I know you will be angry with me, but I don't want you to be. You are like a sister to me Liss and I need this. Trust me. I am sorry._

_Love always, _

_Rose Hathaway_


	20. Chapter 20: Returning To Heartache

**Heyy Everyone, I know it has been AGES since I last updated and I am sooooo sorry about that! My HSC starts in 2 days so I thought, instead of waiting until after it finished, I will write another chapter before then.. I hope you like it! I am pretty sure it is my longest chapter yet.. I just couldn't stop writing. It has been so long since I wrote anything, I guess I just missed it. =] Thankyou all for reading and reviewing, I love hearing what you have to say so keep it up! Keep in mind, this is my first fan fiction so go easy on me. =] Wish me luck in my HSC! =] - Raechel**

* * *

Chapter Twenty: Returning To Heartache

It had been two weeks since Nikoli took me away from the Academy, and I had been emailing Lissa every day, giving her regular updates on my travels. Nikoli had an endless supply of money so he decided to take me on a kind of holiday. We had been to France for a week which was beautiful. We went to the Eiffel Tower and to the Moulin Rouge, I was in heaven. This was the life I had always dreamt about living but knew I would never have because of my guardian duties. We were in Italy when I read an alarming email from Liss.

_Rose, _

_I don't want to say this but you need to come back to the Academy. I know you need your space and I honestly do respect that, but Dimitri is in the clinic. After you left, he kind of went into a dark place. He wouldn't show up for any of his guardian responsibilities and he wouldn't talk to anyone. No one knows what is wrong with him except for me. Jonathan didn't leave the Academy either, he has just been tormenting Dimitri. Jonathan was saying horrible things about you to him and Dimitri just lost it. He wasn't even bothering to protect his body, he just wanted to hurt Jonathan. Jonathan had a pocket knife on him and out of self-defence... he stabbed Dimitri, twice. Dimitri is now unconscious in the clinic. Please Rose, he needs you. I know he lied to you, but please. I can't heal him. I tried, trust me I tried so many times. But it's almost like he doesn't want to be healed. Rose, it's time for you to come home._

_ Lissa _

I couldn't believe what I was reading. How could Dimitri be so careless? He knew how to fight perfectly, so I didn't understand how this could happen to him. Then a thought crept into my mind, what if he wanted to get hurt? What if he was in so much pain over me leaving that he didn't care if he lived or died? I couldn't believe my own thoughts, but I knew on some level that I was actually right. I knew Dimitri better than anyone, so if anyone was going to be able to know where his mind was at, it would be me. As much as I hated admitting it to myself, I knew I had to go back to the academy. First I needed to tell Nikoli. Now that was a conversation I wasn't looking forward to having.

* * *

"Nikoli, we need to talk." I was freaking out. I had no idea what I was going to tell Nikoli or even how I was going to say it, but I needed to do this.

"Well now that doesn't sound too good does it? Is everything alright, sweetheart?"

"Well, not exactly. I need to go back to the academy. I know that isn't what you want to hear but I need to take care of a few things. Lissa needs me now more than ever and a dear... friend of mine is in trouble. I need to help them. I am so sorry, I wish I could just stay here with you forever." It all came out like one long blurred sentence, but Nikoli understood every word of it. His face went from surprise to understanding within an instant. He knew how much I cared for Lissa and that there was no changing my mind once I had made a decision.

"I understand why you need to go back, I just wish you didn't have to be such a caring person. You know I will always be here, waiting. You gave me my life back, Rose, and for that I thank you."

After a long, emotional goodbye to Nikoli, I hopped on a plane and went back to the one place and the one person I was trying to get away from when I left. I thought telling Nikoli I was leaving would be a difficult conversation but then I realised that the one I am going to have to have with Dimitri would be even worse. I wasn't sure I would be able to face him after what he did. I had to, though and I knew it, so I decided to suck it up and put on my guardian mask, hide my feelings as well as I possibly could.

* * *

"Rose? Ahhh! Rose! I can't believe you actually came back! I had no idea if you even got my email since you never replied but you're here! You have to tell me everything!" Liss was over joyed to see me, I didn't even need the bond to know that one. She pulled me into her arms immediately and wouldn't let go for about ten minutes.

"Rose, I am so sorry about what happened with Dimitri. I know how much he hurt you, I could feel it for Christ's sake. Thankyou for coming back."

"Hey Liss, yeah it's good to see you to. Sorry for not replying to your email, I guess I kind of freaked out and left in such a hurry I forgot to. You already know everything that happened while I was gone, I was emailing you every day. And as for the other thing, well, thanks but I just want to get this over and done with."

"Oh, right. Of course. My bad. So how are you anyway? You look great!" Liss was trying to avoid the topic of Dimitri until it was absolutely necessary but I could feel that it was scratching away at her insides to not say anything.

"Well, all things considered, I guess I am alright. It was good to get away from it all. Okay, I guess we should get to why I came back.. How is he?"

"He's alright. He's woken up but he is refusing to eat or drink anything so they have to give him what he needs through the needle stuck in his arm. He is awfully stubborn. It's almost as if he were you. I didn't tell him you were coming, I guess I didn't really know how to, or if you even were coming back. You should go see him when you're ready."

"Liss, thanks but I don't think I'll ever be ready to have this conversation with him."

* * *

I had gone to my room, well the room that used to be mine but was still unoccupied, unpacked and cleaned myself up a bit. I would eventually have to see Kirova and talk to her about where we go from here but right now, I needed to focus on Dimitri. As I was walking towards the clinic I started thinking about what I was going to say to Dimitri when I saw him. Should I just act like nothing had ever happened or should I just act like I hated him for what he did. Either way, it was going to hurt seeing him.

When I walked in to the room he was in, he was sleeping. I internally sighed with relief. At least now I can warm up to talking to him, wake him up when I was ready. I sat down on the arm chair next to the bed he was lying on and seeing him made me heart ache. He had hurt me so horribly but I would never doubt that he was beautiful. I wanted to forget everything and just fall into his arms forever. I was about ready to do so when he woke up. I was frozen in place, I couldn't move or speak. I didn't know what to do, and then without even thinking about it, my guardian mask came up at full force. _You can get through this, Rose. _I kept telling myself over and over again in my head.

Dimitri turned his head and when he saw me he jerked up in surprise.

"Rose? What are you...? How are you...? Oh god, I must be hallucinating. Damn morphine." I barely recognised the man in front of me. Yes, he was Dimitri but there was something so different about him, something dark and cynical.

"Dimitri, it's really me." Those were the only words I could muster at that moment without my voice cracking. I was trying very hard to keep my mask up. It took most of my energy to do so. My heart was breaking all over again just seeing Dimitri.

"Rose? Why?" Was all he could say.

"Liss told me about your... accident. I came to see how you were." I kept my sentences short and to the point, very professional. I was not going to make this easy for him.

"Thankyou for coming, but you shouldn't be here." Was he serious? After everything he had done to me, he didn't even want me here? Well if that's how he was going to play it, then I would surely play along.

"Well then I'll leave."

"Wait! Please, don't." Dimitri had grabbed my wrist before I was far enough out of his reach. That one touch was all it took for an electric shock to run through my body. After everything, there was no way I could deny my attraction towards Dimitri. Dimitri felt it too, he held my hand tighter to stop me from breaking free.

"Alright then I'll stay. Are you out of your mind? What on earth were you thinking getting into a fight with Jonathan? How could you be so careless as to not protect yourself?" Dimitri flinched at my words, but he needed to hear this and I was the only person he would listen to right about now.

"I know it was stupid, but I wasn't exactly thinking straight. You were gone and I was left feeling absolutely horrible about myself. Everything you said to me before you left was right, I wanted to punish myself for what I did to you."

"Don't you dare put this on me." I was not going to take the blame for his ridiculous actions.

"No, that's not what I meant at all. I just, I don't know what I was thinking, okay?"

"You think that makes it alright? You think that is supposed to make up for what you did?" My guardian mask was crumbling and I knew I had to leave before it disintegrated entirely.

"No, of course not. Roza, I just... I didn't care about anything else after you left, especially not my own well-being. I missed you so much, Roza." Dimitri's words were like knives been twisted into my chest. I had to leave before I broke down right in front of him.

"Don't ever call me that again... you have no right. Look Dimitri, I am only here until you get well enough to get out of this clinic, and I am only here as a professional. After that, I am nothing more than a student to you and you are nothing more than a teacher to me. Goodbye, Dimitri. I will be back tomorrow." And with that, I left. I couldn't get out of that clinic fast enough. I had allowed Lissa to see all of that as it was happening so no doubt she was going to be looking for me.

_Liss, please just let me be alone right now. I'll be in my room. I will talk to you later but right now I just want to be alone._

_Okay, Rose. But I will be at your door later and you better be there. I'm so sorry I brought you back here._

_It's not your fault, Liss. I chose to come back to this. I'll see you later._

I put up all of my walls, went to my room, locked the door and completely broke down. I couldn't stop myself even if I wanted to. I was crying and sobbing excessively. My heart was aching and I had to pull my legs to my chest and wrap my arms around my legs to at least lessen the pain. I should have expected this.


	21. Chapter 21: Honesty

**Note: Heyy Everyone! I am sorry for taking so long to update but as you all know I had very important exams.. I have now finished highschool! =] I have decided to make this chapter the final chapter, so I hope you aren't too disappointed.. If you review that you want me to continue with this story, then I most-likely will.. But yeah, I would love to hear what you guys think of this chapter. Thanks to all the people who have been reading and reviewing my first story! I hope you all liked it! - Raechel =]**

* * *

Chapter Twenty-one: Honesty

When I woke up early the next morning, my eyes red and swollen from my endless crying, I decided to clean myself up with a shower. I'll admit I stayed in the shower longer than needed, but I was just stalling. I didn't know if I would be able to face Dimitri again after yesterday, so I made myself a promise.. I wouldn't allow my guardian mask to crack this time. I needed to be a professional about this. _'Don't become attached, Rose' _I kept telling myself.. _'He is just a teacher you had once, nothing else.'_ I was slowly but surely letting go of my feelings for Dimitri, it was a challenge, yes, but a challenge I needed to get through.

After I had dried myself off, gotten dressed and had eaten some breakfast with Liss, I decided to finally make my way over to the clinic. My feet began to drag against the gravel and as soon as I realised, I picked myself up, pulled on my guardian mask and never looked back.

"Good morning Dimitri, how are you feeling today?" I made sure not to look at him directly in the eyes, that would surely make me lose it. Dimitri was a little bemused by how distant I was, but he soon recovered.

"I.. I am fine, thank you Rose. And how are you?" He wasn't going to make this easy on me. He knew me well enough to know that I was just putting on a brave face. He was trying to get a reaction out of me. I was having none of that.

"Very well, actually. I ate breakfast with Lissa and Christian. The oatmeal was quite delicious. Have you eaten this morning?" It was working, the more I pretended I was fine, the easier it was to show other people that I was completely fine, and by other people, I meant Dimitri.

"I don't really have a choice, if I don't eat the doctor practically force feeds me. Rose I.. I'm.. never mind." Dimitri was going to bring yesterday up, I knew it, but I guess he didn't really know what to say.

"So she should be. You were the fool who decided not to eat for two weeks." It was as if Dimitri and I had gone back in time to before we showed our feelings to one another.. the conversation was light and my comic banter wasn't a disappointment. Dimitri smirked at my words but underneath that smirk there was pain. The reason he hadn't eaten for two weeks was because I had left. I wondered what Dimitri would have done if he knew who I was with and what we had done.

* * *

The day continued with nothing out of the ordinary. Dimitri didn't try and bring up yesterday in conversation and my guardian mask didn't falter. Any outsider would have thought I was just coming to visit another friend. I sat by Dimitri's bed reading magazines, books, anything I could find really and Dimitri fell in and out of consciousness. Every now and then I heard him mutter my name while sleeping. It hurt but luckily my guardian mask didn't have to be at its full strength while Dimitri was asleep.

As I was walking back to my room I bumped into the last person I wanted to see. Jonathan was surprised to see me but I was not as shocked to see him.

"Rose, what are you doing here?"

"Well, Jonathan, I could ask you the same question. What the hell were you thinking?" Jonathan became confused very quickly.

"Wha.. what are you talking about?" He was not going to get away with the naïve school boy act, not with me.

"You stabbed Dimitri! Are you out of your God damn mind! You could have killed him!" Jonathan suddenly caught on and became furious in an instant.

"So what if I did? The jerk had it coming. And let's not forget that he was the one who attacked me first, I was only defending myself. If I hadn't done what I did, he probably would have killed me! Wait.. Did I miss something? Why are you defending him? He was the one who was married to my sister while he was with you! How can you still be on his side?" As much as I hated to say it, Jonathan had a point. Why was I defending Dimitri? Dimitri was the one who stupidly attacked first and he had hurt me. Jonathan had stopped me right in my tracks.

"Well, I.. You.. ugh.. Okay, so maybe I was wrong, but you still could have killed him. You are both just such idiots!"

"Yeah but the idiot lying in the clinic still gets your love. And what do I get? What does my sister get? Nothing, nothing at all." Jonathan sounded so sincere. I felt so horrible. I almost completely forgot about how this would have effected Jonathan and his sister. How could I be so selfish?

"Jonathan, I.. I'm sorry. I have only been thinking about how this had effected me, I shouldn't have been so selfish."

"Rose.. As much as I hate to say this.. You have nothing to be sorry about. I have resented you for so long because of what Dimitri did to my sister, I guess I never thought you were innocent in all of this. Please accept _my_ apology." This conversation had taken such a dramatic turn I didn't know what to think of it.

"Of course I accept it, Jonathan. I just thought by blaming everything on you, I could forgive Dimitri. I was wrong to think that. Thankyou for being honest with me, but I should go. I have to think about a few things."

So I left Jonathan and went to my room.

* * *

_Liss, we need to have a sister talk. Come to my room please?_

_Of course, Rose. I'll be there in about 30 seconds._

Lissa and I stayed up half the night going over every inch of my thoughts. How should I feel towards Dimitri? Should I contact Jonathan's sister and apologise for what has happened? Should I forgive Dimitri? Would I ever be able to trust Dimitri again after this? Should I go back to the clinic tomorrow? Should I talk to Dimitri about how I am feeling? All of these questions were swimming around my head like drunken fish. Not knowing how to act or where to go.

After Liss went to sleep, I was still wide awake. There were so many questions with not one answer. I went over the questions again and again and again until I finally got to sleep.

* * *

I had decided that previous night that I was going to go to the clinic again only this time I wasn't taking my guardian mask. I was going to lay everything out on the table, my whole heart, right there for Dimitri to see. I needed him to know just how much I was hurting and what I was thinking, so maybe we could eventually move past this mess.

* * *

"Hello Rose, and how are we this morning?" Dimitri expected me to reply with my usual guardian response.. Boy was he in for a shock.

"Dimitri.. We need to talk about things. I want to tell you how I feel and I need you to listen and understand." Dimitri recovered quickly from his shock and that was when his face became very solemn.

"Of course, Rose. I was hoping this would happen eventually. I have a lot of explaining to do."

"No, Dimitri. You need to listen to me first. I have to say this before I change my mind... When I first found out about Savannah, I thought it was some kind of sick joke. And then I asked you, straight out and you lied to me. When I saw the lie in your eyes I thought I was going to die right then and there. You can't even begin to imagine how hurt I was. I trusted you with every part of my mind, body and soul and you threw all of that back in my face. You told me you loved me more then life itself and yet you kept something so devastating a secret from me. How can I ever trust you again? Let alone forgive you. You broke my heart, Dimitri and I don't think I am willing to give it back to you again. I used to think you were a god, you know? That is how everyone at this school saw you – invincible and indestructible. When I first met you I thought you were this cold and hard soldier, just doing your duty to protect Moroi. And then I got to know you, the real you, not the you that everyone else sees. I discovered that you were a sweet and caring marshmallow that would do anything to protect me. I fell in love with that man. And now when I look at you, you are nothing but a cheat and a liar. I wanted to hurt you for what you did to me. I wanted to kick you until you were on the ground crying in pain. I wanted so badly to get back at you. To somehow prove to you that I didn't care about you anymore. But the truth is, I will always care about you, Dimitri. As much as it pains me to say it, I still love you after what you did to me. I just don't trust you anymore. You should know that this morning I contacted Savannah. I told her about you and I and I explained to her how sorry I was. We talked for an hour, half of which was with her screaming at me. She eventually calmed down and we talked more about you. I asked her if she still had feelings for you. I told myself I would leave you alone for good if she had said yes. But then she said no. She told me she had let go of you a long time ago. Then she asked me the same question.. Did I still have feelings for you? I didn't even have to think about the answer. There was no doubting that I did. So what I am here to tell you, Dimitri.. Is that I want to forgive you for what you did, I want to move past this. But I don't know when or even if that will ever happen." It had taken all of twenty-one minutes to get that out, I sat down and waited for Dimitri's response.

"Roza, I... Okay, First of all, I want to say thank you for being so honest with me. And second, I am really happy to hear you say that. I have been torturing myself wondering what you were thinking and how you were feeling. Now I know that I don't have to lose you. You are giving me my life back by just saying that you want to try and work this out. And Roza, I will always love you." I didn't know how Dimitri and I would get past this, but I knew that in by having this conversation, we were taking the first step towards our future together. And I knew that Dimitri and I had a future, because if I hadn't thought we would be together forever, I wouldn't have come back to the clinic that day.


	22. Chapter 22: Love

**Heyy all! So I hope you like this chapter.. I think I am going to finish this story on the 25th chapter.. I just think that is the right number. =] Let me know what you think of this chapter.. I hope all of the Rose/Dimitri fans like it! =] Thanks again for reading! - Raechel =]**

* * *

Chapter Twenty-two: Love

**3 weeks later...**

"Roza, you are the most beautiful woman I have ever met. How did I get so lucky as to find someone like you?" Dimitri and I were in his room, our bodies tangled as if we were one thread of string wrapped around itself. 3 weeks beforehand I had decided to tell Dimitri everything that I was feeling at that moment, and since then I had never felt so much at peace. It was as if this unbearable weight had been lifted off of my back.. and I could walk again.

"Well, comrade, I suppose you are just one lucky cowboy." I had always joked about Dimitri's odd obsession with old western novels and that hideous cowboy looking duster he always wore but the truth was, I loved those things about him. They made him so much more unique then he already was. Dimitri's playful smile was joined with an exasperated chuckle. Oh how I loved hearing him laugh, even if I was the one he was laughing at.

"Roza, you really are something, you know that?"

"Yes, I did actually, but thank you for stating the obvious." I smirked as I looked into Dimitri's deep brown eyes. I could get lost in those eyes, they were full of so much pain and despair, but they were also filled with so much love and admiration.. for me. He was such a gentle person sometimes that it would be hard for me to ever picture him fighting off strigoi if I hadn't seen it first-hand. He was a great guardian and a great lover. Both, completely opposite to the other, it was difficult to believe.

If it isn't already obvious, Dimitri and I had practically gone back to how we were before Jonathan and his mess. The only difference, this time, was that now the whole school new about our relationship. It was pretty hard to hide after everything that had happened. After I left and Dimitri began acting differently, questions were being raised about just how close we were. When I came back to see how he was, in the clinic, the rumours just became worse and worse. There was no hiding the truth after that. We decided to come clean to the Academy and the consequences weren't as bad as I thought they would be. I had decided not to continue my education, therefore, not to graduate and Dimitri decided to quit his job as a guardian for the school. The only reason we were allowed to stay at the Academy was because of Liss. Although Dimitri and I were no longer 'legal' guardians, we had both sworn our guardianship to the Princess Vasilisa and it was by her request that we stay with her at the Academy. The school had no choice but to comply with the Princess' wishes.

Dimitri and I were finally free to be together, no secrets, no lies, just us as a couple. It felt weird at first, but eventually people stopped staring and they just accepted it. I felt like all of my problems had been lifted away. I only hoped that feeling would last.

* * *

"Hey, Rose. Did you hear? The Queen is coming to the Academy this weekend." Eddie had told me after his classes had finished one day.

"Why would the Queen want to come here? It's not like there is some kind of function on, is there?" It was surprising that the Queen would want to come to the Academy for no reason, it wasn't like her, she usually hated wasting her time in places that were unnecessary to her Queen duties.

"I don't know, all I know is that she was adamant about coming here. Maybe she is here to bust you and Dimitri for your little love affair." Eddie joked. Although he was only kidding, what he said struck a nerve. What if that was why she was coming to the Academy? Guardian numbers were dwindling as it is, I doubt Dimitri's and my resignation wouldn't have gone down well with the Royal Court. A flicker of panic flared up in the back of my mind, but I chose to ignore it as much as I could. The Queen had better things to do with her time then to bother herself with something as trivial as a Dhampir relationship.

* * *

Dimitri and I had decided to go for a walk and we ended up at the old abandoned guardian post where Jonathan and I had been together. We were sitting outside next to the frozen over pond when I decided to bring up the subject I had been trying to avoid.

"Dimitri, did you hear about the Queen coming to the Academy?" Dimitri looked at me a little confused.

"No, I hadn't actually. When will she arrive?"

"This weekend sometime. Dimitri.. I'm a little worried about why she might be coming." Dimitri studied my face for a few seconds when an expression of understanding settled in place.

"Roza, you think she is here because of us, don't you?"

"Well, yeah, of course I do. Why else would she be coming to the Academy for no reason?" I didn't understand why Dimitri was acting so calm about everything.

"Roza, don't you think it is possible that she is here to see someone else? There are many people at this Academy. I don't think you need to worry. Trust me, everything will be fine. It's not like she can force us to separate and to become real guardians again. There is nothing she can say or do that will change my mind about the decision I have made. I decided to be with you, Roza, always. That will never change." Dimitri said this with such determination, it made me love him more, if that was even possible.

"You're right, as always. I guess I just can't help but worry about these things. I'm just so happy.. I keep feeling like something is going to go wrong and that we won't be able to stay together." It was the truth. I had always been taught to prepare for the worst case scenario, I guess I couldn't help but feel that way.

Dimitri stroked his fingers along my neck, sending electrical impulses throughout my entire body. I was never able to stop him from having that effect on me. He looked at me with such love in his eyes, I couldn't help but wonder how we got so lucky as to find one another.

Dimitri and I went inside the old shack and images of Jonathan and I flashed across my mind. A wave of guilt began to wash over me and then I realised that there was no need to feel guilty. Dimitri had forgiven me for Jonathan a long time ago and it wasn't like Dimitri had nothing to feel guilty about. I decided to push the images out of my mind and show Dimitri how much I cared for him.

I began kissing him, knotting my hands in his hair, urging my body closer to his. It was like a magnetic pull, between Dimitri and I, that I just couldn't shake. Dimitri responded almost immediately, tightening his arms around my body. We stood there kissing for some time until Dimitri decided to take it further. He began kissing my neck, all the while with his hands reaching under the back of my shirt, pulling it up and over my head. I unbuttoned Dimitri's shirt without breaking the kiss and tossed that silly piece of clothing aside. Dimitri unzipped my jeans and allowed me to step out of them while he continued kissing my neck. I melted into his every touch, as if my body was surrendering to his. I didn't mind being defeated in this way, not by Dimitri. Dimitri was so powerful and strong, it was amazing how gentle and kind he could sometimes be. He stared into my eyes and without even speaking he told me he loved me with all of his heart. Dimitri had removed his jeans and lifted me up in his arms, with me wrapping my legs around him. He walked over to the bed and laid me down, never breaking eye contact with me. I could see the hunger and lust in his eyes and I am sure my face mirrored his exactly. It was like some kind of animal instinct had kicked in whenever we were around each other intimately. Our bodies new each other so well. Dimitri pressed his body against mine and I couldn't help but moan his name out in pure ecstasy. Dimitri smiled against my skin and continued kissing my neck. Our bodies were so entwined it was difficult to see where I ended and Dimitri began. I don't know how I could have ever thought doing something like this would be better then if I was with someone else.

I decided then that I would never let Dimitri out of my life. I couldn't imagine ever being happier then I am when I am with Dimitri. This was the man I wanted to spend the rest of my life with. As we were lying in bed together I decided to finally give Dimitri my answer.

"Dimitri, a while ago you asked me a question. I was wondering if that question was still on the table?" I wanted to hear the words come from Dimitri's mouth again before I answered him. At first Dimitri looked at me with a puzzled look in his face, he was trying to remember what question I was talking about and slowly, but surely, he remembered what he had asked me.

"Roza, you know I will always love you and I have wanted to spend the rest of my life with you ever since I met you. I couldn't imagine my life without you. Will you do me the honour of becoming my wife?" Dimitri's gorgeous Russian accent had made the question sound even more romantic then it was.

"Dimitri Belikov, the love of my life. I couldn't imagine a better way of spending my life. Of course I will marry you." Dimitri's face lit up with a huge grin, one that I rarely used to see. And with that answer, Dimitri and I made love for the second time that night.


	23. Chapter 23: Decisions

**Note: Heyy everyone, sorry for not updating sooner.. I haven't really had any inspiration to write lately.. But hopefully that will change. I want your opinion on where the story is heading and I want to hear any suggestions.. I am drawing a blank really.. I just need inspiration so maybe if you tell me your ideas, I might be able to draw little details from them. =] I am thinking of ending this story soon, because I think it is getting too long.. Like it is just dragging on.. Let me know what you think about that.. And yeah thanks to everyone who has been reading my story.. and thanks for all the reviews, I really appreciate it all. =] Last Sacrifice comes out tomorrow for me and I am incredibly excited to read it! =D thanks - Raechel **

* * *

Chapter Twenty-three: Decisions

I had been keeping my walls up so Lissa wouldn't know the news until I told her face to face, I could only have imagined her reaction. It was much higher pitched than I had thought it would be that's for sure. Dimitri and I had decided to tell Lissa together.

"EEEEEEK! Rose, Dimitri, that is fantastic! Congratulations! This is going to be absolutely fabulous, you have to let me plan the whole thing. It will be perfect! I can see it now, a massively wonderful church, flowers everywhere and oh I can imagine how lovely your dress will-" Lissa was rambling uncontrollably, I had to stop her so she could breath.

"Liss, take a breath! Dimitri and I have already talked about it and we don't want a big wedding. Something small, with only our family and friends. We definitely don't want it to be in a church, considering the fact that neither of us are Christian, or Catholic or any type of religion. And we aren't going to get married for another couple of years. I am only Eighteen after all. And before we get married, I have to.. well I have to meet Dimitri's family." The thought scared the crap out of me, to be honest. I had never met Dimitri's family and I didn't know what they would think of me. I hoped they wouldn't disapprove of Dimitri's and my student/teacher relationship. Dimitri had been reassuring me that they would love me as much as he did, I just hoped he was right.

"Rose and I were hoping to go to my home town at the end of this week, if that is alright with you of course, Princess?"

"Oh, well of course that's fine. I just, I guess I thought you would want to get married as soon as possible, that's all." Lissa's excitement had dimmed a little when she realised she would have to wait a whole 2 years before she could plan my wedding, but none the less, she was still incredibly happy for us.

* * *

I was on my way to speak to the Queen. She had requested to see me as soon as she had arrived at the Academy. I was a little nervous to say the least. A million scenarios had gone through my mind at what she would say to me. A few of them had included her throwing me into a dungeon until I decided to cooperate. That was just my over-active imagination getting the best of me. Even though I doubted the Queen would go that far, I didn't doubt that there would be yelling.

"Your Majesty, you wanted to see me?" I was trying to be as polite as possible, not giving her any other reason to be angry with me, bowing and sitting down quietly.

"Yes, I did. I'll keep this brief as I have somewhere to be. This stupid fling with Guardian Belikov, will end immediately." Well, she really was going to be brief. But I was not going to let her talk me out of my relationship with Dimitri.

"With all do respect, Your Majesty, Dimitri and I are in a relationship. It isn't a fling. We love each other and intend to stay together for the rest of our lives."

"Oh really? Or just until you get bored and decide to sleep with some Moroi for fun?" That was a low blow.

"No, Your Majesty," I said between clenched teeth, "Dimitri and I are actually engaged. We intend to be married in two years. Look, I understand why the Royal Court wouldn't like the idea of us being together, but we are still going to guard Liss, I mean the Princess. The Queen was shocked and it was obvious that she hadn't expected a marriage. She recovered quickly, however.

"You and I both know how valuable Belikov is as a guardian. By doing this, you are keeping him from his birth right. Dimitri deserves the chance to guard Royal Moroi all over the world. Not just some teenage girl. Are you really willing to be responsible for forcing him into that life? You are lucky, you will be guarding your best friend, but him? He has to follow a teenage girl around every single day. I could get him assigned to an older Royal, one who will treat him with the respect he deserves." Tatiana was trying to bargain with me. She knew that I wasn't going to give up on our relationship, but she still didn't want us being together every day. I wasn't going to give her the satisfaction.

"Thankyou for the offer, Your Majesty, but Guardian Belikov is more than willing to guard the Princess. So unless he tells you he wants another assignment, then you and I have nothing more to discuss. I will be excusing myself now, Your Majesty." I left before I said anything I would regret. I had let Lissa see everything. I wanted her opinion.

_God, she is such a cow isn't she? I mean, the nerve.. How dare she say those things. It was Dimitri's idea to guard me in the first place. She really gets on my bad side sometimes._

_Liss, calm down. It isn't that big a deal. Like Dimitri said, she can't actually force us to become legal guardians when we are still going to be guarding you. She just hates the idea of Dimitri and I being together, and not getting her way. Don't worry about it. She can just deal._

_I suppose you're right, Rose. I just hate that she thinks she can control everything. I am glad you stayed strong. I shouldn't have expected anything less. Did you want to come to my room and we can talk some more? Oh, you had already made plans with Dimitri, I can feel it. Okay then, have fun!_

_Sorry Liss, how about tomorrow, just you and me? We can spend the whole day together. Sound good?_

_That sounds great, but I have classes tomorrow._

_Not anymore you don't. You only have one more week before you graduate anyway. There is nothing more to learn. As your guardian, I give you permission to skip classes for the day to hang with your best friend._

_Haha, thanks Rose. See you tomorrow!_

* * *

I was outside Dimitri's room knocking on the door. He hadn't answered so I decided to right in. The worst I would find was him in the shower and honestly, I didn't mind that at all. When I noticed that he was no where to be found I decided to go down to the guardian on duty in the building and ask if they knew where he was.

"Guardian Belikov? Yes, he has gone to see the Queen. She requested to see him only a matter of minutes ago, he left immediately. The Queen said it was urgent."

"Oh, okay. Well can you please tell him, when he gets back, that I stopped by? Thanks." The Guardian nodded and I decided to go back to my own room, not knowing how long Dimitri would be talking to the Queen for. I had a feeling she was trying to convince Dimitri to take her offer to protect a different Moroi. After I wouldn't budge, maybe she thought she could convince Dimitri to change his mind. Although I knew Dimitri loved me and wanted to be with me, there was a possibility of him wanting to guard someone else. After all, he had once said both of us guarding Lissa together was a bad idea, because of our feelings for one another. We would protect each other instead of protecting her, but we had figured that because Lissa would be assigned two 'legal' guardians, we could take turns guarding her, and also getting time off together. It Wasn't exactly the best plan, but it was better than not being together. I started to worry about the Queen's influence and how there was a possibility of her convincing Dimitri that guarding the Princess was a bad idea. I just hoped Dimitri would see through her mask. I would wait for him to talk to me about it, rather then go to him as soon as he got back, stampeding him with questions. Dimitri would talk to me about it when he was ready, I was sure of it.

* * *

There was a knock at my door a few hours later and knew it would be Dimitri coming to talk to me about his meeting with the Queen. As much as I hated admitting it, I was a little nervous to find out what she had said. I opened the door, and Dimitri looked almost cautious. That couldn't have been a good sign.

"Roza, we should talk." Dimitri's face was serious, almost like he was putting on his guardian mask. I hadn't seen it in so long, I almost forgot what it was like.

"Ah, sure, come in. Is everything okay?" I was also being cautious. I didn't want to push for too much information if Dimitri didn't want to give it to me, but I did want to know what was going on.

"Well, as you know, I met with the Queen this afternoon," I nodded, "well, the things she said made a lot of sense and she was being quite reasonable.." Dimitri was stalling. I knew it, he knew it, the whole God damn world knew it.

"Dimitri, what is it? Please, just tell me."

"I won't be guarding Lissa anymore, Roza. And.. well, we will not be getting married." The Lissa thing I was expecting but the not getting married part almost knocked me out. I was completely dumbfounded. I didn't know how to react. I was hurt, confused and a little angry that the Queen had had such an effect on Dimitri. He had always said how strong his love for me was and not even 3 days before this conversation, he had told me that nothing would change his mind about being with me.

"But.. but I thought you wanted to marry me?" I said it as a question. I kind of needed to be reassured. Was Dimitri dumping me? I wasn't sure about anything anymore.

"Of course I want to marry you, Roza. I love you. But after I thought about it, I decided that it wasn't a good idea. You know of all people how wrong Dhampir marriages are in our world. If I am going to return to my proper Guardian duties, I need people to respect me. I need to do the right thing, and marrying you is not the right thing at the moment. Maybe in the distant future, but not now. I am so, so sorry, Roza. I never wanted to hurt you, but this is something I have to do." It was like I couldn't even speak. How could Dimitri do this, after everything he had said to me?

"So, what? You don't want to be with me anymore?" I felt like an obsessive ex-girlfriend, but I couldn't stop myself from sounding like one. Dimitri's mask faltered a little when he saw the hurt in my eyes, but he stayed fairly strong.

"Roza, I.. I still want to be with you, if you'll have me. But we just can't get married. I also think you should return to becoming a promised guardian. It is best for the Princess." I couldn't believe what I was hearing. Although Dimitri's mask was close to perfect, I could see in his eyes that there was something he wasn't telling me. I just had no clue as to what it was.

"What are you not telling me? What did the Queen threaten you with?" I was blindly guessing, but from the way Dimitri's eyes twitched, I knew I had hit the mark. The Queen wasn't above blackmail, so whatever it was she was threatening, it was obviously enough to make him do what she wanted.

"Roza, I.. I should go. You should go see Lissa. We will talk later. Goodbye." And with that, Dimitri left. The love of my life walked away from our marriage. He may as well have walked away from our relationship because at that moment, I felt as though Dimitri didn't want to be with me anymore. I knew that wasn't the case, but how else was I supposed to feel?


	24. Chapter 24: No Walls

**Note: Hello all my lovely readers! =D So I am trying to update more often.. I just never feel like writing this story anymore. I get the feeling like it is dragging on.. So I am going to end it soon. I am going to start writing another VA fan fiction.. Which I hope will be better.. Because now I have more experience.. I hope you all like this chapter.. it is much longer then my previous chapters.. I just couldn't stop writing this one. =] So please keep letting me know what you think.. I really appreciate my readers opinions.. and thank you so much for all the suggestions! =] I hope you have all read Last Sacrifice! I read it in less than 12 hours and LOVED every second of it! props to Richelle for creating such amazing characters! - Raechel**

* * *

Chapter 24: No Walls

It had been a week since Dimitri had told me that we weren't going to get married anymore, a week since the Queen had blackmailed him or threatened him to stop guarding Lissa, I wasn't sure which method she had used, but I was determined to find out. He had been avoiding me, which made it a lot more difficult to get the answers I wanted. I was walking around campus looking for him, when I saw him leaving one of the buildings. We saw each other for an instant and as soon as our eyes met, I saw nothing but regret. He began walking in the opposite direction I was in, deliberately I assumed. I noticed that he was walking at quite a fast pace. He was trying to get away from me, he knew I would have questions for him. This was what he was afraid of. I had caught up to him quite quickly and I could see that he was putting his guardian mask up. No way, was I going to go easy on him. I wanted a real reaction from him, so I was going to show all the hurt I was going through, just through my eyes. He was better than anyone at reading my emotions through my eyes, and I was going to take advantage of that.

"Dimitri, please. We have to talk about this. I have barely seen you this past week and everytime I do see you, you barely look at me and try and get away as soon as possible. Please.. You said you still wanted to be with me.. but.. but you won't even talk to me. At least look at me!" It wasn't as if I was putting on an act, I really had been hurt by the decision Dimitri made, and by him avoiding me.

"Rose, I.." Dimitri had turned to look at me as he started to speak and as soon as he caught sight of my face, his Guardian mask crumpled. He hated seeing me hurt, especially if it was him that was making me feel that way. "Roza... I am so sorry. I don't know what you want from me." How could he not have known that all I wanted was him?

"Dimitri, what I want is the truth. I am tired of being lied to, and from you of all people. After what happened with Jonathan and... I just thought.. You promised that you would always be honest with me. You promised to always be there for me no matter what. I don't know what the Queen said to you, or what she is holding against you or threatening you with, but I do know how much I love you. I don't ever want to be apart from you and losing you is like losing half of myself. I need you in my life Dimitri, please just talk to me." I hadn't meant for so much to come out, but sharing my feelings with other people was such a rarity with me that when it did happen, it all came out. I was staring straight into Dimitri's eyes and what I saw surprised me. There was no longer regret in his eyes, it was... fear. What was he so afraid of? I was jumping to conclusions, but my guess was that his fear had something to do with what the Queen was threatening him with.

"Roza.. I need you to understand. The decision I made was for the best. Me guarding the Princess was never a good idea, and as for our marriage.. there was no way the Moroi world would accept it. I did this for us." Dimitri's words were firm but pleading. He wanted me to drop the subject. I felt so helpless, which I hated. Without knowing what Dimitri was afraid of, there was no way of helping him, which bugged me to no end. I hated not being able to protect the ones I love.

"You did this for us? What us? For the past week there hasn't even been an 'us'! You say you love me, but you won't even speak to me? How can that be good for 'us'?" I was angry and hurt. I needed to get out of there before Spirit's darkness raised it's ugly head. I began walking away, but before I was out of ear shot I heard Dimitri whisper, barely loud enough to hear, "I do love you, Roza. That's why I am doing this, to protect you." I don't think he meant for me to hear, or even to say it out loud, but I heard it none the less. He was doing this to protect me? And that's when it hit me. It was the only logical explanation. The Queen had threatened me. She knew I was the only thing that would force Dimitri to take her offer.

* * *

I had asked Lissa to meet me at my room and, just like clock work, she showed up at my door as soon as I had. I let her in and, through the bond, I had filled her in on Dimitri's and my argument.. and what he had said as I was walking away.

"Rose.. I know you don't want to hear this.. but what if Dimitri was right? I mean, maybe both of you guarding me isn't such a good idea. You said it yourself before all of this mess, and now you want him to guard me again?" Liss was right. I had voiced my disapproval of both of us being guardians to Lissa many times, but now for some reason I had changed my mind.

"Okay, so maybe the only reason I am feeling this way now is because it will go against the Queen. I know that sounds ridiculous but I can't help it! She is so horrible, always having to control everything! Ugh!" I flopped onto my bed in exasperation. Only my life was this complicated. Lissa giggled at me.

"Oh, Rose.. You really are a basket case, you know that? I know you love Dimitri and you want nothing more then to spend the rest of your life with him, but maybe for now, this is a good thing. I mean, you and Dimitri can still be together, you just can't get married. Maybe in the distant future you will be able to tie the knot, but as for right now, this may be the best solution." Why did Liss always have to be so reasonable? Lissa sat down on the bed beside me and put an arm around my shoulders.

"Why do you always have to be so responsible? God, Liss. I was perfectly fine hating this decision with my Rose-logic. Now, that's all messed up because of you." I said it with a smirk, I had to agree with Liss on this one. Liss laughed some more and left to go meet Christian. Lissa's classes had finished, but her graduation wasn't for another week and a half. So until Lissa graduated, we just had to bum around the Academy, doing nothing.

* * *

There was a loud knock on my door, waking me from my heavy sleep. I looked at the clock and saw that it was barely 5 in the morning, meaning it was becoming light outside and everyone else would be going to bed soon. I slowly dragged myself out of bed, not even bothering to look at myself in the mirror, and opened the door with obvious agitation. I was quite enjoying my sleep. I was shocked to see Dimitri in the door way. He took one look at me and smirked. I quickly glanced to my left where a small mirror was hanging on the wall and noticed that my eyes were blood-shot from lack of sleep and my hair was a mess. I quickly ran my hand through my hair, smoothing it as much as I could without a brush.

"I know it's early, Roza, but I was wondering if I could come in?" There was no sign of the distant, Guardian masked Dimitri. He was, well he was my Dimitri again.

"Uh, yeah I guess.. Why are you here? The last time we talked, well.. I didn't get the impression that you wanted to speak to me again any time soon." Even though I was hurting, I couldn't help but notice all of Dimitri. He was wearing a simple, yet stylish, pair of jeans with a black V-neck T-shirt, and on top of which was, of course, his leather duster coat. His smooth dark-brown hair was pulled back into a loose ponytail with strands falling out into his face as he moved. I always thought Dimitri was attractive and perfectly sculpted. His looks always took my breathe away. But it was the man he was that made me fall in love with him. Strong, yet gentle. Powerful and passionate. There were so many sides to Dimitri, it was difficult to imagine, but on him, it just worked. Dimitri had decided to take a seat on my bed, I decided to stand, not wanting to succumb to the temptation. I was still mad at him, after all.

"Roza.. I wanted to apologise for the way I have been acting this past week. I still want to be with you, I always have, there is no doubt about that. I was just.. scared. I was scared of what you would think of me after what I did to you. I have hurt you too many times and I couldn't stand the idea of you thinking of me as any less a man than I should be. I should have been strong for you, Roza, and I wasn't. For that, I truly am sorry. I just.. I need you to know how much I love you, Roza. You mean the world to me. There is nothing I wouldn't do for you, to protect you. If anything ever happened to you, I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. The reason I chose not to be Lissa's Guardian was because I knew if it was your life or hers I had to save, I would save you." I didn't think Dimitri had meant to say so much, but like me, when we shared.. we shared everything. Especially to each other. I was both shocked and touched by Dimitri's confession. My resolve kind of faltered after that. For many reasons. One, Dimitri was being completely honest with me about how he was feeling. And two, he was sitting on my bed. It had been more then a week since we had just touched each other, and I couldn't bare being apart from him for so long. I walked over to where Dimitri was sitting, stood between his legs and put my hand on the side of his face. Dimitri didn't flinch at my touch, he had wanted it as much as I had.

"Roza, you are so beautiful. How did I ever get so lucky?" Dimitri stared into my eyes, stroking the hair out of my face with one hand while the other moved behind my neck, pulling my lips to his. I had almost forgotten how amazing Dimitri's lips felt against mine. I had missed this. The kiss started off as something sweet, soft and gentle but as it continued, the intensity of it grew. There was an urgency to the kiss, as if we couldn't get close enough to each other. This was how it always was with Dimitri. As soon as we would begin something as intimate as this, our animal instincts would take over, forcing our bodies to be closer to one another.

The hand that was stroking my hair, had laced around my waist and under the back of my shirt, whilst at the same time pulling me down on top of Dimitri's perfect body. Dimitri rolled us so that he was hovering over me, one hand still behind my back while the other stroked a line down from my lips to the top of my white shirt. He began removing my top as he leant down to kiss my neck. We continued to kiss as he pulled my top off urgently. His tongue had begun to trace a line across my lips, asking for permission to enter, which I quickly gave. Dimitri's cowboy duster had already been removed and thrown onto the floor, next I began lifting his shirt up and over his head, tossing it to the floor. Dimitri's body never ceased to amaze me. Every time I saw it, it was as if I was seeing him all over again. I would take every inch of him in, drowning in the scent of his perfectly tanned skin. After Dimitri's shirt was off, he went right back to kissing me. He wasn't going to waste a second. As I began undoing Dimitri's belt, he let out a slight growl to show his satisfaction. After I had pulled Dimitri's shoes, socks and pants off, I formed a line of kisses, starting from just above his crutch leading all the way up to his lips. Dimitri then decided it was time for my pajama shorts to go. He pulled them off and pushed his body up against me, allowing me to feel every inch of his arousal. My whole body was being suffocated with electrical impulses, all of which were urging my body closer to Dimitri's. Dimitri undid my bra and hovered above me with a look of pure admiration and lust in his eyes. I had always loved that my body affected him in the same way that his affected me. Not long after that his briefs and my underwear had been removed. We were under the sheet on my bed and our bodies were beginning to move as one. I could never feel as elated as I had at that moment. It was as if our bodies were made to fit together, nothing in the world would have been able to make us feel as good as we felt when we were with each other. Nothing could ever change the way I felt about Dimitri. He was my other half, what made me whole. Being without him was like living without air. Painful and impossible. Dimitri would often whisper my name in Russian in my ear as I bit my lip out of pleasure. Groans and growls were often exchanged during Dimitri and myself. It wasn't easy to hold up a conversation when feeling such ecstasy. It was amazing how Dimitri managed to form a sentence throughout it all. But he had and it had been the most sweetest thing I had ever heard.

"Roza.. I could never be without you. You are my life, my reason for breathing.. I will love you, Roza, always."

* * *

I woke up in Dimitri's arms. I would never get tired of hearing his steady breathing in my ear. It was what soothed me to sleep most of the time. I don't know what it was, but it was like me waking up was an alarm for Dimitri in the mornings, because as soon as I woke up and turned to face Dimitri, he too would wake up with a smile on his face. He looked into my eyes and smiled his wonderful smile.

"Good morning, my love. How did you sleep?"

"Better than I have in over a week.. Did you sleep okay?"

"Never better. How do you feel about staying in bed for the day? Only surfacing when we need to eat? I am sure Lissa will be with Christian, and it's not like you or I have classes." Dimitri was never one to waste a day in bed, but I knew that he didn't think spending a day in bed with me was a waste at all.

"Sounds perfect. But, first I need to have a shower and brush my teeth. You can have a shower after me. Just because we are staying in for the day, doesn't mean I am going to throw personal hygiene out the window." I said with a small smile. Dimitri chuckled and allowed me my shower.

So, after having showers, grabbing some breakfast and stocking up on snacks for the day, Dimitri and I had returned to my room. Throughout the day we had gone from lying on the bed, to sitting on the bed, to sitting and lying on the floor. We had done nothing but talk all day long. It had been so long since Dimitri and I had been so close to each other without just doing some kind of 'physical activity'. It was wonderful to just be with each other. We had talked about many of the same things before, but this time it was different somehow. Dimitri had always had some kind of wall up before then. I was never sure why or what kind of an obstacle it was, but this time that wall had disappeared. Dimitri was 100% open and honest with me about his family, his life in Russia and for the first time, he had talked to me about his charge before he was assigned at the Academy. He explained how his Moroi had died and how it had affected him personally, how he had blamed himself for so long. I had talked about when Lissa and I were away from the Academy and how determined I had been to keep her out of harms way. It had been the best day of my life, just being there with Dimitri. It felt so natural to be with him in such a casual way. No walls, no masks.. just us. I would never grow tired of hearing Dimitri speak wistfully about Russia and how much he missed his family. Dimitri and I never spoke of his conversation with the Queen and I didn't ask about it, not wanting to ruin such a perfect day.

"Roza, I still want you to meet my family. I won't be reassigned until after Lissa has graduated and I want to visit them at the end of the week. I want you to come with me. Will.. Will you go with me to Russia?" It was the last thing I had expected to hear, but jetting off to a foreign land with Dimitri and only Dimitri? Yeah, I think I could definitely handle that.


End file.
